As your child grows, many situations and stages will come up where he must gradually separate from you. Beginning in infancy, your child will begin to realize that he is a separate person from you. Throughout childhood, he will go to school and will spend time with others outside the family and finally will separate more fully once he becomes an adult. You can help your child navigate these times and deal with any normal anxiety that surfaces.
Separation Anxiety
When your baby is between 8 months and 2 years old, she realizes that she is a separate person from you, and that sometimes you leave the area or building where she is. This can create what is known as separation anxiety. She may cry when you begin to leave and may physically try to stop you from leaving. Some children do not show any separation anxiety at all; others show it only when something new is introduced, such as a new sibling, a new day care situation or a move to a new house.
School-Aged Children
Your school-age child may be comfortable being separated from you during the day while he is at school and may also enjoy having occasional overnights with grandparents and close friends. Sometimes, however, he might show signs of anxiety at being separated from you. This may happen when he starts preschool, kindergarten or middle school, or if you go back to work and he gets a new babysitter, as the change in environment may be scary for him. If you tend to be overprotective, you might also feed his anxiety, and he may have a hard time separating from you.
High School and College-Age Students
Your teenager or young adult may be ready to spread her wings and fly away from everything familiar, but chances are good that she will experience some separation anxiety before taking this huge step in her life. Your high schooler may feel anxious about becoming more autonomous. According to L.D. Seligman from the Center for the Study of Anxiety Disorders and Depression in Toledo, Ohio, up to one-fifth of first semester college students may suffer from separation anxiety. This can impact their grades and decisions during the rest of their university experience.
How You Can Help
Leaving your baby or young child with a competent caregiver can alleviate your worry, which may make your child feel better. Create a consistent routine so your child feels safe, and once you are ready to leave, then do so with a kiss goodbye and a cheerful, "see you later." If your child cries, wait 15 minutes before calling home, as many times, she will be occupied with something else by that time. Talk to your older child about her fears and encourage her to come to you with any specific concerns. Also, follow your instincts and trust your child. If she seems unduly anxious about a particular person or situation, look more closely to be sure that everything is well. Finally, if you feel that your child is excessively anxious, talk to her pediatrician for advice.
References
- KidsHealth: Separation Anxiety
- University of Maryland Medical Center: Separation Anxiety
- HelpGuide.org: Separation Anxiety in Children: Easing Separation Anxiety Disorder
- "Journal of Psychology"; Correlates of Separation Anxiety Symptoms Among First-Semester College Students; L.D. Seligman, et al; March 2007
