1. When Do Children Naturally Become Social?
Until approximately age 3, children actually play beside rather than with each other. However, even then they can learn appropriate interaction skills such as sharing and asking for or showing you what they need.
2. What Are Social Skills?
Social skills are skills of interaction that later in adolescence and adulthood can earn respect and garner success at work, at play and in primary relationships. Children of preschool age and above will fairly consistently demonstrate appropriate social skills in the following ways (allowing for the few bad days and the few grumpy moments of every day):
1. Demonstrate an interest in engaging with others
2. Give and take
4. Ask for or demonstrate what they need
5. Empathize or understand how others might feel
For example, if your child wishes to get on the merry-go-round at the park (demonstrating an interest), he may ask to join in (asking for what he wants). However, since those already on the merry-go-round will have to stop to let him on, they may initially say no, by simply nodding their heads or ignoring his plea (grasping non-verbal cues). But if he understands this (empathy), he may suggest that he'll push, or that they take turns pushing (give and take). Of course, his skills do not guarantee that he'll always be liked or get what he wants, but if he is fairly positive he'll be able to move on to engage with others or find other avenues of play.
3. How Can Social Skills Be Encouraged?
One of the best things that you can do to teach social skills is to play with your child as if you were another child. In this way you can model and teach appropriate interactive skills. But second to that, you should also engage her in discussions about problem-solving on the playground. You may even make a game of it by asking her what she would do if a particular situation arose with her friends.
4. The Social Arena is Perfect for Acting Out Unresolved Issues
As most of us know, children do tend to act out their frustrations and anxieties. If there is unresolved tension at home, such as tension between you and your spouse, your child may sponge it up, assuming that it has something to do with him. He will then carry it with him as a kind of unresolved inner conflict and act out that conflict in his social arenas. Therefore, don't assume that he lacks social skills if he suddenly begins to act out. First, look for areas of unresolved conflict at home.
5. What can be Done if Children Have Ongoing Social Problems?
There are some childhood disorders that include missing social cues, lack of empathy, disinterest or lack of ability in the social arena and/or aggressive rebellious behaviors. If your child fairly consistently demonstrates any of those issues you should seek professional help.
