It’s impossible to escape childhood without experiencing peer pressure or bullying, and it’s not uncommon for these difficult social situations to crop up throughout adulthood. Parents can take a variety of actions to help children stand up for themselves and learn the social skills that will allow them to thrive as adults. If you want to raise an assertive child who isn’t taken advantage of by others, it’s best to lay the groundwork early on.
Step 1
Foster her sense of self-respect. Offer support and reinforcement when your child faces everyday challenges and praise when she triumphs over them. Boost her self-esteem with genuine compliments. Giving your child plenty of affirmation while she’s still young teaches her how to give it to herself as she grows and matures. Marriage and family therapist Cynthia Sarnoff-Ross stresses the importance of a nurturing home environment in preparing children to navigate a larger social scheme that isn’t always so safe.
Step 2
Teach her how to set boundaries. While you don’t like it when she says it to you, it’s important to let your child know that it’s OK to say “no.” Explain that if she isn’t comfortable with something, or doesn’t feel someone is behaving fairly, she should be honest about her feelings and direct in expressing them. Tell her that to stop bullying, she might need to stand up herself or for someone else.
Step 3
Prepare her with role-playing. Practicing how she’d react or what she would say to someone who breaches her boundaries puts her a step ahead when she’s on the spot in real life. Teach her to control her physical and emotional reactions so she’s able to stay calm and maintain a clear head when she needs to, and instruct her about what she should do if she can’t handle a threatening situation by herself.
Step 4
Encourage her to develop friendships. A child who keeps to herself is more likely to fall prey to bullies and predators. Arranging regular and varied play dates while she’s a preschooler sets the stage for a lifetime of successful social interaction, but you can still help an older child by encouraging her to get involved in social activities. It could be a sports team, a book club or a one-on-one sleepover; as long as it helps her to make connections with others, she’ll benefit.
Tips and Warnings
- Though it takes consistent effort on your part, child and parenting expert Maureen Healy suggests that cultivating your child’s self-confidence gives her a social edge. Confident children trust themselves, so they’re more likely to stand up for themselves. Teach your child the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Explain that it’s never OK to use name-calling or physical violence to get her way. Raising healthy, assertive children involves training them to be sensitive to others, as well.
- It’s hard to see your child struggling to assert herself against bullies, but resist the urge to get overprotective. Your child needs to understand that mom or dad can’t always swoop in and save the day. If you always stand up for her, she’ll never learn to stand up for herself.
References
- Daily Strength; Teaching Your Children to Stand Up for Themselves; Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross; February 2009
- National Crime Prevention Council: What to Teach Kids About Bullying
- “Working Mother”; Bullyproof Your Child; Claire Collins; August 1995
- “When Your Child Is Hurting”; Glynnis Whitwer; 2009
- Education.com: Sef-Esteem and Assertiveness
- "Psychology Today"; Raising a Confident Child; Maureen Healy; September 2009
