1. Spare the Rod
Spanking has been banned in several countries around the world. Many thought that these bans would decrease parental power and increase youthful behavior problems. However, in her article entitled "Trends in Youth Crime and Well-Being Since the Abolition of Corporal Punishment in Sweden," published in "Youth and Society" in 2000, Child-Clinical Psychologist and the author of a 15-year study on those bans, says "Rates of youth involvement in crime, alcohol and drug use, rape, and suicide have decreased."
2. What do Children Learn From Spanking?
Unfortunately, it appears that the only thing that children learn from spanking is "who is the biggest." If I am a child and you hit me, I either hit you back or I comply. Compliance, of course, is what we are looking for and the fact that children often do comply when spanked seems to give evidence that it works. However, just because a child complies does not mean that he has learned anything that can be useful in later life. Further, lack of compliance means bigger or longer spankings, increasing the potential for abuse.
3. What Is Discipline?
The word "discipline" actually means "to teach." Discipline teaches children life lessons that can be used again and again. But if what your child learns is that hitting works, then that is the lesson she will carry with her into adulthood. She will tend to imitate you.
4. Don't Spoil the Child
There are many other interventions parents can use to teach a child appropriate behavior. We've all been taught to believe that children should fear adults or they will not behave. In fact, the child who is reasoned with, given brief time-outs and receives appropriate consequences from parents who also model effective behavior, learns something far more important than who is the biggest. He learns to take responsibility for his choices.
5. Choice is the Operative Word
What parents often forget is that the final arbiter is choice. Whether we like to think about it or not, children do have a choice. But that fact means that choice is a useful tool in teaching self-discipline. And self-discipline is far more effective than external control. If we teach children that the parent is the final arbiter, then they may only learn to push the limits until some external force intervenes. But if they learn self-discipline they can learn to manage their own lives. Of course, it takes more time and energy to reason with a child and it is sometimes uncomfortable to take a consequence with your child. For example, yesterday on your daily trip to the park, Susie was hitting her friends, so even though you would like to visit your friends at the park today, you and Susie will be staying home and talking, reading and drawing pictures about hitting. But that kind of discipline teaches children that there are limits to what others will tolerate. And how can we teach our children that hitting does not work, if we hit them?
