Gender roles changed drastically over the 20th century, especially the second half. In 1972, the U.S. enacted "Title IX," which prohibits gender-based discrimination of any kind in schools at any level that receive federal funds. Working out the details hasn't been easy — most of the first page of the law itself is taken up with exceptions — and there's plenty of work left for parents to do to help make equality even more automatic in the future.
Describing Others
"Mailman" has largely given way to "letter carrier," but other gender-based terminology is persistent. You can help your child live without stereotypical language by being sensitive to limiting language yourself and being prepared to discuss what's wrong with it when you encounter it from others. Do not dismiss concerns as "politically correct." Refer to servers rather than waitresses, and don't make distinctions such as "lady doctor" or "male nurse." Talk about what people do rather than labeling them at all — "He speaks for the agency" rather than "He's the spokesman" or "spokesperson."
Describing Behavior
There's nothing wrong with taking note of your "little man's" or "Daddy's girl's" gender, unless you imply that men or girls should behave in different ways or own different things. Don't belittle "running like a girl" or call any child a "sissy." The Teaching Tolerance program of the Southern Poverty Law Center has published a resource from research in Austin, Texas, to reduce gender-based bullying in grades K through 6 by teaching counteractive catchphrases. One of the lessons specifically addresses teasing about the appropriateness of activities, traits or possessions, countering with "There's no such thing as a girl's haircut."
Toys and Play
Avoid directing your children toward or away from particular toys or forms of play, especially imaginative play, as appropriate to their gender. Buy or make a toddler boy, the same as a girl, a rag doll that looks like him and can wear his outgrown baby clothes. Don't intervene when your little girl takes up the baseball bat. Make both earth-moving trucks and baking equipment available in the sandbox and let the children choose freely which to use and when to swap.
Assignment of Chores
Especially as children grow old enough to truly help out around the house, keep the chores evenly spread and without regard to gender. Let each child be responsible for learning to make his own peanut-butter sandwich, or for her own patch of garden, at least until they've grown into more advanced versions of these chores and discovered their own preferences. Each child should make his or her own bed each day, and share equally, as appropriate to age rather than gender, in setting and clearing the table, doing dishes, and home repair and maintenance.
Media Influences
Take an active role in selecting your child's reading material and leave out books that explicitly reinforce gender stereotypes. Supervise TV watching, music and video games, and make it clear that making poor choices on the basis of gender stereotypes, in addition to other values, will result in loss of privileges. Do, however, discuss with your children why this story isn't very true to life or that movie sets a bad example. Be especially alert for the tendency to "damsel in distress" stories as well as "foolish man" comedy; one evening's TV commercials will provide plenty of material for such a discussion.
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