We look to loved ones, especially romantic partners, to feel loved, valued and safe. Unfortunately, for some, it's these very people who instead hurt, threaten and even kill us. According to Harvard University, as many as a third, or more than 30 percent of relationships, have some form of abuse. This abuse ranges from threats and name calling to deadly physical violence. Understanding abusive relationships can save lives.
Definition
According to the United Stated Department of Justice's Office on Violence Against Women, relationship abuse is about power and control. While it takes on many forms, its primary objective is to render one partner helpless against the other. This abuse happens to nearly 2 million people each year, primarily women. That boils down to one act of abuse every 15 seconds. In fact, three women die from domestic violence each day. There are many theories as to why abusers hurt their partners, ranging from an abusive family history to mental illness, but no matter the excuse, that abuse is never justified.
Types
The Department of Justice categorizes five types of abuse: physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and economic. Physical abuse includes hitting, slapping, kicking or any other form of physical violence. It can include weapons and can be deadly. Sexual abuse involves forcing sex acts on someone or forcing someone to perform sex acts on you. Emotional abuse aims to devalue and demoralize. The name calling, criticism and controlling behaviors affect the victim's self-esteem and self worth. This is similar to psychological abuse, in which threats and intimidating behaviors lead the abused person to live in fear. Economic abuse involves one partner controlling the other through financial means, either by taking her money, controlling the household finances or limiting her access to money and resources. These types of abuse can exist individually, but often abusive relationships feature more than one type of abuse.
Why Don't They Leave?
Many people wonder why people in abusive relationships don't just leave. According to Stanford University, there are many barriers to leaving that are often out of victims' control. For example, they may depend on their current family structure for housing and economic support. Their partners may control their finances or terrorize them so that they're afraid to try to leave. Depression, shame, guilt and denial are all powerful forces than can make victims feel trapped in abusive relationships.
Prevention and Treatment
Prevention and remediation of relationship abuse happens at both a public health and community organizational level. Services for abuse victims, usually for women, work to increase awareness of unhealthy relationships and educate people from a young age about warning signs of abusive relationships. These services also include safe shelters and networks of counselors and advocates who can assist with employment, court proceedings, safe shelter, and mental and emotional well being. The Department of Family Services, schools, doctors offices and mental health agencies can also be powerful advocates in helping families overcome or escape abusive patterns.
Implications
Abuse doesn't just affect the quality of the relationship. It affects the whole person. According to the Center for Relationship Abuse, the personal trauma extends into the relationship, which extends into the community, which extends into society. Abuse victims may have difficulty getting or keeping employment or may not be permitted to seek employment or education, making them dependent on their abuser to survive. Abused victims may be caught in a cycle whereupon they internalize their abuse and impose similar abusive behaviors on their children. Their children may grow up to perpetuate abuse on others because this is their perception of normal family behavior. Abuse victims commonly experience anxiety and depression, which can further isolate them from the community. Relatives, friends, employers and community support workers may recognize the abuse, but feel unable to stop it. This can lead to stigma and shame, which further impacts the abused person's ability to escape their situation.
References
- Harvard University Office Of Sexual Assault Prevention and Response: Relationship Violence
- United States Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women: About Domestic Violence
- National Sexual Violence Resource Center: Guidelines for the Primary Prevention of Sexual Violence and Intimate Partner Violence
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