Your 3-year-old is learning to assert her independence, which often comes at the cost of others' feelings. As your child learns her likes, dislikes and basic values, she might offend or hurt other children and even adults. Unfortunately, her emotional development is structured so that the understanding of another's feelings and remorse isn't yet well developed. Help her become more aware of the feelings of others by explaining reactions and encouraging proper manners.
Preschooler Misbahvior
When your child turns 3 years old, she's growing and developing at a rapid rate. As she's exposed to more social opportunity through playgroups, preschool and other avenues, she starts with a clean slate as far as her social perceptions. Since young children are naturally self-centered, it's difficult for her to understand how her actions affect others if they don't also affect her directly. As she's exposed to more social situations and is able to see the consequences of her actions, she'll better understand negative reactions to her behavior.
What It Means
While your 3-year-old's actions might seem concerning, they're completely normal reactions to her first experiences with social situations and dealing with other people. To her, the world centers around her thoughts, feelings, wants and needs, so she doesn't necessarily understand why someone would be sad, hurt or angry after she misbehaves. This is a natural part of her social development and shouldn't be deeply concerning, especially after you work with your 3-year-old to understand the consequences of her actions.
How to React
When your 3-year-old misbehaves and then refuses to show remorse, even when reprimanded, keep a cool head. While it's certainly frustrating to deal with a child who seemingly doesn't care about punishment or discipline, losing your temper only shows your child how to attain negative attention. Instead, resist the urge to "make" your child feel remorseful and remove your child from the situation in which she's misbehaving to a quiet place where you can talk quietly and calmly.
Teaching Your Child
When you're able to talk to your child calmly, talk about her actions and how they make you feel. You cannot expect your small child to understand facial expressions or body language, so your feelings must be spoken. Use basic language that is understandable for a 3-year-old, such as "When you don't listen, it makes mom very sad." If she still doesn't show remorse, use actions to demonstrate the proper consequences. For instance, if she hits another child, she's removed from the area immediately and not permitted to play. As your child learns to connect her actions to the reactions she receives, she'll be better equipped to feel remorse when she commits an act that garners a negative reaction.
