Sports are tied up with all sorts of high-stakes issues, many of which can pose a real threat to a girl's self-esteem. Particularly if your daughter is a teenager or preteen, her self-image may suffer dramatically if she regularly disappoints her teammates, gets picked last in gym class, loses competitions or isn't as skinny or fit as the other girls. Whether or not she chooses to continue with sports, you can help her regain her self-esteem by encouraging her to focus on her strengths and reminding her that athleticism isn't everything.
Step 1
Support your daughter if she decides not to pursue sports. She may improve her self-esteem quickly if she gives up sports and focuses on things she knows she is good at. Let her choose her own hobbies and passions -- she'll be more motivated to succeed at something she enjoys than at something she feels obligated to pursue.
Step 2
Encourage your daughter to explore a variety of hobbies. If she has been focused on athletics for a while, she may not have discovered her true strengths yet. Don't pressure her to choose a new extracurricular activity immediately or to succeed on her first try -- let her experiment. If it's important to her to be athletic but she isn't succeeding at her current sport, suggest that she try other sports that require different skills.
Step 3
Measure your daughter against herself, not against other players. Encourage her by pointing out her improvement from one month or season to the next. By talking exclusively about your daughter's own progress and not about other people, you can help train her to compete only against herself -- a competition she is likely to win if she devotes time and energy to practice.
Step 4
Praise your daughter for successes in other fields. If she has never been athletic but excels at music, math, art or creative writing, tell her how proud you are of her talent in that area. Compliment specific achievements, so she knows you are paying attention. Boast about her work to friends and extended family members. Make sure she knows that you value her gifts.
Step 5
Help your daughter find activities that stress cooperation instead of competition. Volunteer work, theater and involvement in religious youth groups will make her feel good about herself as a person, help her make friends and develop her leadership abilities.
Step 6
Talk to your daughter about the things that are important to you and to your family or community. Remind her that athletic ability is trivial compared to honesty, integrity, kindness and other personal virtues. Stress the importance of hard work, loyalty and compassion -- things that she can control.
Tips and Warnings
- Continue to encourage your daughter to be active. Exercise is important for her health, but she doesn't need to get it through sports. Bike riding, swimming, hiking and dancing are ways for her to get the exercise she needs without damage to her self-esteem. If your daughter's success at sports is important to you, you may have to let go of those expectations. Not everyone is athletically inclined. Accept your daughter's decision to pursue other talents, and value her academic, artistic and personal successes.
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