1. Growing up Angry
Parental alienation is a diagnosable syndrome that affects abused children. Most notably associated with divorce, there is a wide movement in the mental health community to address the problem. Parental alienation is usually the product of a divorce. When one parent talks bad about the other person and tries to get the children to take sides and accept the same hatred or negativity towards the estranged parent, it can lead to the unhealthy syndrome. Children have long been the brunt of poor parenting skills, especially during a divorce. Dr. Richard Gardner identified the disorder in the 1980s and only then did parental alienation start receiving the kind of attention it gets today.
2. Take the High Road
Parents should take the high road and honestly appraise their own behavior during and following a break-up. Recognizing some of the symptoms can help you to re-evaluate your behavior and seek help if you can't stop yourself. Symptoms that you may be exhibiting include refusing to let a child take his possessions with him during visitation, name-calling of your estranged spouse, making the child take sides and interrupting visitation schedules.
3. The Children Suffer
You can often tell when your own behavior as a divorced parent is creating problems with your children by the changes they begin to display. When children take on the same extreme emotions of the parent who is doing the alienating, it's a sure sign that your messages are getting through, creating fear and hatred of the other parent. Especially when the absent parent has not hurt the child directly, these strong negative feelings are particularly worrisome.
4. Let Them Know you Care
When the alienating parent recognizes his or her disruptive behavior, that parent can seek help for the children, who may develop a neurosis that will linger on into adulthood. Even when you don't realize you are creating this psychological disorder, get help for your children if you see behavior changes such as moodiness and withdrawal from their fun activities. Watch for signs of depression, sleeplessness or drawn-out anger. Consider getting help if your children's grades drop dramatically or if you suspect substance abuse.
5. Let it go
Adults often hang onto the alienation that began in childhood, sometimes long past the time it will do any good. Hanging on to disappointment and resentment towards parents, no matter how justified they are and no matter how poorly you were treated, will slip into all your relationships and may poison them. Consider counseling or other options to deal effectively with your past traumas.
