Remembering what it's like to be half of a couple instead of one of two parents can get difficult when kids are in the picture. Between wee-hour feedings, magnetic mouths, homework and soccer practice, it's a wonder parents get to see each other at all during the day. When you consider that making time to appreciate one another is a key factor in maintaining a healthy marriage, you might feel like giving up. Before you start shopping for a divorce lawyer, think about ways you could carve out more couple time. It doesn't have to be grand or romantic every time -- even tiny moments count. The point is to reaffirm your connection as adults, not parents.
Date Night
The idea of a scheduled date night may sound corny and less-than-romantic, but it works. Life with kids is hectic, and waiting for spontaneity means you'll miss out on many opportunities for a social life. Set aside one night every week or two, get a sitter, and go out. Make it non-negotiable, and go even if you're tired, cranky or just not in the mood -- chances are, you'll enjoy yourself once you're out. Have a nice dinner, see a show or a concert, browse a gallery, or do whatever the two of you enjoyed doing before you were parents. Have a standing appointment with a babysitter you know well so you don't have to stress about it beforehand or while you're out. If one of your kids is a responsible teenager, you have a built-in sitter already.
Grown-Up Time
Life with kids slows only a little when they go to bed at night. Too often, parents use this time to catch up on housework, pay bills, do take-home work or start preparing for the next day. Sure, these things still need to get done, but there's no reason to do them right up until the minute you pass out on your pillow. Set aside time every night just for the two of you. A block of time as small as 20 minutes can offer enough opportunity for intimacy if you focus on each other -- turn off the television, pour a glass of wine and talk. Make this time strictly about the two of you, and don't allow outside intrusions.
Stolen Moments
Even when the kids are flying through the house and you're doing your best just to keep up, there are plenty of opportunities for quick kisses and hugs, or even a brief shoulder rub to show you care. Physical contact goes a long way toward establishing your bond. Make it a point to touch your spouse in a loving way every time you see him. A quick shoulder squeeze can be enough to connect. Don't be afraid to show milder intimacy in front of the kids -- big bear hugs can de-stress you both, and it shows the children what a loving relationship looks like. Older kids will likely make a face and leave the room anyway.
Surprise Opportunities
Every so often in a parent's life, you'll find yourself alone with your spouse in an empty house. The kids may be at grandma's, sleepovers or even at the park with friends, but the two of you are alone for a period of time -- use it wisely. Don't straighten up the house, don't run errands and don't watch the game. Use this time to focus on each other. Slow dance in the living room, put your feet up and relax or cuddle on the couch and listen to love songs. Pretend it's the early days of your relationship once again, and talk the way you did then. Romance each other, flirt with each other and remind each other why you chose to spend the rest of your lives together.
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