Competitive behavior between twin toddlers can be a natural and normal way for both children to figure out their place in the family. However, it can become a problem, especially when it starts to disrupt normal family life or turns into violent behavior. Minimizing competitive behavior while simultaneously understanding that it is also normal can help keep family harmony and allow your children to safely explore their developing independence.
Natural Rivalry
It is natural for all siblings, including twins, to experience some rivalry and competition. Negotiating where they fit in with their siblings and the world is an important part of both children's development. According to the Better Health Channel, kids who are the same gender and siblings who are closer in age typically experience more sibling rivalry, making twins especially prone to competitive behavior.
Equal Treatment
Treating your twins equally is important in helping reduce competitive behavior. This doesn’t mean dressing them the same or insisting that they both participate in the same activities, though. It means offering equal amounts of love, cuddles and encouragement to both children while still letting them be separate people. Give each child special alone time with each parent so that neither feels favored by one parent or the other.
Differentiating the Twins
Let the twins be individuals and celebrate their personalities. Let them choose their own favorite activities and independent toys, clothes and other household items instead of sharing all the time. Don’t compare them to each other or call them “the twins ” but instead refer to each twin by name and celebrate individual accomplishments without referring to whether the other twin also can do the same thing.
Encourage Cooperation
To head off competitive behavior, encourage activities that require cooperation. For example, avoid challenging your twins to see who can do chores or complete an activity quicker and instead have them do the activity together. Find cooperative games you all can play together as a family instead of competitive ones. If you do any competitive activities, such as a board game, challenge your twins to compete as a team against mom or dad instead of each other. Praise them when they work together instead of punishing competitive behavior.
Considerations
If either of your twins turns to physical violence to solve conflicts, you may need to get professional help. Violence never should be acceptable between siblings, and you may have to step in to stop the problem before it becomes dangerous.
