An argumentative child, whether age 5 or 15, has reasons for each rebellion. Her reasons may not stand up to the rigors of adult logic, but in her mind, they are important enough to warrant disobedience, tears or outright tantrums. To limit conflict with your child, try to understand and respect her view of each situation.
Listening
Children often argue with their parents when they believe their parents do not understand their needs or feelings, according to Michael P. Nichols, author of "Stop Arguing With Your Kids -- How to Win the Battles of Wills by Making Your Children Feel Heard." To prevent this kind of argument, ask your child for clarification when she begins to fight with you. Ask her questions about how she feels and what she wants until you understand why she believes the issue is worth an argument. Then show her that you are taking her feelings into consideration, so she feels respected.
Limits
If your children do not have a clear sense of what is allowed and what is forbidden, they may test you constantly to see how far you will let them go. To handle this kind of defiance, set specific rules for your household, establish consequences for breaking them and follow through on the consequences. Choose consequences that make logical sense. For example, tell your child that you will take away her toys if she refuses to clean them up. Do not punish your child by insulting her or shaming her.
Staying Calm
Your child takes many of her behavioral cues from you. According to Dr. D'Arcy Lyness of KidsHealth, when you respond to your child angrily, she learns that anger is an appropriate and helpful way to handle situations. Instead, model the behavior you would like to see -- stay calm and be polite, firm and clear. Reinforce positive habits with praise or added permissions and discourage negative behavior with consequences instead of shouting matches.
Minimizing Conflict
An argumentative child can bring out a stubborn streak in her parents, which can trigger fights over trivial matters. Karen Miles of BabyCenter suggests looking for compromise rather than immediately scolding or refusing your child. Let her make some decisions for herself, even if she does not choose the same things you would, and respect her taste. Try to avoid situations where you cannot reasonably expect her to behave herself. Fighting with your child can become a vicious cycle, so every argument you can sidestep or defuse brings you a little closer to a peaceful home.
