After noticing that your husband's sex drive has decreased, your first instinct might be to question him about it. Be careful of coming off as a abrupt or accusatory; it's likely a sensitive subject for your husband. He's probably already notice the change. Using tact and wisdom when broaching the subject can go a long way in opening the lines of communications between you and your husband, so you can identify the problem and remedy it for a healthy continuing sexual relationship.
Step 1
Open the discussion on a positive note. Talk about something that your husband recently did that made you happy, or take note that he's been working harder than usual and talk about your appreciation for him. Beginning positively fosters an atmosphere of caring so that he feels comfortable talking about his decreased sex drive.
Step 2
Mention any relationship changes that you've noticed. Perhaps you haven't been able to spend as much time together as you'd like to, or you've been busier than usual. Take some responsibility as well. You could mention that there were a lot of nights that you didn't feel in the mood either, and you know that it can effect his sex drive.
Step 3
Identify possible causes of the decreased sex drive. Some, like a lack of romance can be easily remedied with some effort on both of your parts, but others, like depression or work stress may be harder to overcome. Pointing out possible causes helps your husband to not feel emasculated or ashamed of his decreased sex drive. Putting a cause to the problem lets him know that it is a normal reaction.
Step 4
Ask your husband ways that he thinks you can help. As Alex Santoso, Ph.D., and Hanita Ina, M.D., note, a lack of sex drive could have more to do with personal relationships and environment than health problems, so ask your husband things that might get him in the mood. Commit to helping him gain his sexual appetite. If he wants to see a therapist, make it a possibility for him to do so.
Step 5
Readjust your expectations. After you talk to your husband about his decreased sex drive, take a moment to take the conversation into consideration. While you may have had sex three or four times per week in years past, as a man ages, Alex Santoso, Ph.D., says they lose some of their testosterone production. What you think of as a problematic decrease in sex drive may just be a natural lessening of desire. Keep that in mind so you don't feel upset or offended when he doesn't want to have sex as often.
