Major depression in one family member takes a toll on the entire family. If the depressed person refuses to seek help, the problem is exacerbated for the rest of the household members. The spouse may feel suddenly thrust into the role of caregiver and be afraid to leave the depressed spouse alone. The many effects of major depression on a spouse can be overwhelming, though there are a few common complaints found in spouses of depressed people.
Depression
According to Abraham Feingold, Psy.D., the spouse of someone with depression may develop a depressed mood as well. Living with someone who is sad and looking at life pessimistically can take a toll on the cheeriest person. The spouse may miss the friendship and companionship the couple shared before the depression. This feeling of loss can lead to sadness and eventually depression.
Anger
The spouse of someone with depression may become angry. This anger may manifest against the depressed spouse, or he may become angry at the situation. When expressed to the depressed mate, this anger can produce further harm and should be avoided, if possible. It is preferable for the spouse to vent to a friend or counselor.
The spouse may also feel manipulated by his mate's illness. It may seem to him as though his plans get sabotaged by the depression. This can quickly take a toll on the marriage. He may feel as though he is bearing too much of the burden of chores or making the family's income.
Fear
The spouse of a depressed person may have many legitimate fears. She may be asking herself how the bills will be paid, who will help with the children and if the situation will ever get better. Or she may become afraid of the agitated moods of her spouse. She may also worry that her spouse may attempt suicide.
Guilt
The mate of the person with depression may experience guilt and feel as though he somehow caused the depression. He may feel guilty when he is happy, knowing that his spouse is depressed.
Isolation and Loneliness
Feelings of isolation are common in the spouse of a depressed person. She may feel as though she has lost her confidante and that no one cares about the things she is going through in her life. Over time, this can put her at a risk of marital infidelity.
Solutions
If your spouse is depressed, there are steps you must take to protect yourself and help your spouse. If she has not sought treatment, insist that she do so and make the appointment if necessary. Find a counselor or support group if your own emotions are more than you can talk out with a friend (see Resources below). Get out of the house weekly and engage in an activity that you enjoy. Keep up your physical health by getting a physical when needed and engaging in regular exercise. Keep your stress under control, and do not resort to using substances such as alcohol or drugs to deal with your feelings. If you have children, monitor their response to your spouse's depression and seek counseling for them, if needed. Make sure they understand that depression is an illness and not their fault.
