1. Fuel to the Fire
Sibling rivalry occurs when jealousy, competition and fighting take place amongst siblings. It is mostly confined to childhood, although sometimes adult sibling rivalries continue to occur. One of the main causes of sibling rivalry is that children compete for their parent's attention. They may feel the other child gets more attention or is loved more, and they take out those negative feelings on their sibling. As children mature, their needs change, and the things they fight about with their siblings change too. It's an evolving process as the children grow, but can be hard to listen to as a parent. The good news is that having siblings helps children learn life lessons such as cooperating and seeing the other person's point of view.
2. Static Differences
Position in the family, whether oldest or youngest, can also be a cause of sibling rivalry. The oldest may feel that more is expected of them; the youngest may spend never-ending energy trying to keep up with an older sibling. Gender plays a role, and as hard as parents may try, it's tough to treat children exactly the same without regard to their gender. As children grow, the difference in their ages may be more pronounced at times. A 5-year-old and 8-year-old might play fine together at times, but there's a more vast developmental difference when those same children are 10 and 13 years of age.
3. Stop Before it Starts
No one can completely prevent sibling rivalry. But you may notice bickering more at certain times, such as when they are hungry, sleepy or when you're busy doing something else and can't devote your attention to them. Recognizing these times will help you to be proactive in meeting their underlying needs. Don't compare your children to one another. Celebrate their uniqueness and their individual strengths. Allow each child to have their own space and their own friends. Carve out one-on-one time for each parent to spend with each child. Implementing some of these sibling rivalry solutions might lead to more peace between siblings.
4. When to Step in
When conflicts invariably arise, resist the urge to jump in a mediate. Part of the life lesson that comes from sibling rivalry is learning to manage conflict. Step in if the situation turns to name calling and physical fighting, but only to help the children to work through their issues in a more positive manner. If you separate them to their own spaces until they've cooled down or avoid revisiting the issue, they won't learn the proper way to handle their emotions.
5. Your Child's Best Teacher
You're going to have arguments with your spouse, but how you handle them is going to communicate to your child how disagreements should be resolved. If you yell, throw things and slam doors, that's exactly what your children are going to do when they have conflicts with one another.
