3 Ways to Focus on a Spouse's Good Points
1. Think Positive
The thoughts you hold in your mind soon become reality, so pay close attention to what you think about. If you expect someone to act meanly or selfishly, then they will live up to your expectations. If you expect kindness and selfless acts of love, then that is what you will most likely see. You need to see those kind, unselfish acts from your spouse. Because no one plays a bigger role in your life than your husband or wife. You should always expect the best from them. Even when they disappoint you, it is better to think positive reinforcing thoughts and visualize the change than to hold on to negative thoughts which will result in pain, resentment and more negative behavior.
2. Remember the Good Times
When you have trouble focusing on the reason you married your partner, reflect on those times when he was at his best. Sometimes, in the rush and tension caused by living, he might forget to do the little things that won your heart in the first place. You are left bitter and angry as he rushes off to work. You now have to deal with a new, neglectful partner--nothing you signed on for. During times when you don't have time to sit down and work out the difficulties, remember the good times. Replay those first encounters when you were both so attentive. Remember the flowers he sent, the foot rubs she freely gave and the holidays when you each had surprise special evenings planned for each other.
3. Takes Two to Rumble
When good thoughts are not rushing at you, think about your own actions. It is sometimes easier to forgive another's inconsiderate behavior when you recognize your own failings. To get yourself focused on your spouse's good points, consider how you would like to be thought of throughout the day. Try to leave your spouse with the best impression always. Perhaps your spouse may be focusing only on your faults and does not appreciate all the good things that you bring to the relationship. Give as you would like to receive. Once you realize that your spouse may have to strain to focus on your good points, it might be a little easier to overlook his foibles and turn your own attention back to the positive, loving characteristics that you know your spouse possesses.
Member Comments
by Krisserin on July 31, 2008 at 3:11 PM
It can be hard not to stay positive at times. Sometimes I just want to be mad at my husband but I agree that staying positive is good advice. I will be keeping this article in mind during my next spat. Thank you!!!
by MOTS on July 31, 2008 at 4:06 PM
Communication is key in any relationship. It's OK not to agree on everything, but as long as there is an open line of communication, positivity usually ensues.
by Strife_63 on March 5, 2009 at 11:10 AM
I thought this article was pretty good. I agree with everything it says but I think the writer hopefully made a mistake when "she" wrote this by putting the word "his" in the last paragraph. which makes me think they are implying that the man in the relationship is the one they are only focusing on.
by haddles on July 6, 2009 at 8:20 PM
Strife, what you're seeing is the author's adherence to grammar norms. Sadly, our language isn't as gender neutral as we might like. When using a possessive pronoun to refer to a single human (in this case, "your spouse") one must use either "his" or "her."
Thus, in the case above the author was using proper grammar when stating "Once you realize that your spouse may have to strain to focus on your good points, it might be a little easier to overlook his foibles..."
There are only two other options. One is to write, "Once you realize that your spouse may have to strain to focus on your good points, it might be a little easier to overlook HER foibles...," but, alas, that is not fitting with the grammar norms of English. The second options is to write "Once you realize that your spouse may have to strain to focus on your good points, it might be a little easier to overlook HIS/HER foibles...," but that's just clunky, and also not standard usage, really.
Many misuse the possessive pronoun "their" in these cases, wishing to remain in the safe, gender neutral territory; thus writing, "Once you realize that your spouse may have to strain to focus on your good points, it might be a little easier to overlook THEIR foibles..." Unfortunately, "their" can technically only refer to more than one persons. It would only work if the subject were to change from "your spouse" to "your spouses." While that would be an interesting reality, it's an unlikely situation in this country!
Ultimately, the words "he" and "his" are sort of gender neutral. Or at least as gender neutral as terms like "mankind." It's understood that they can either literally refer to a man or men, but can also refer to a human or humans, generally.
by haddles on July 6, 2009 at 8:21 PM
Ugh... I had my grammar explanation so nicely spaced, and then when I posted it got all muddled. Hope it's still readable.
by ANJELANDIE on March 5, 2009 at 12:26 PM
That "think positive" point hit home. I assumed the worst attitude before my husband got into bed because we had a disagreement minutes before. It turned into about an hour long back and forth. We always apologize afterward, pray, and fall asleep on the same page but that battle can be avoided by assuming the best. Good reminder!
by jvilliados on March 5, 2009 at 2:13 PM
Think possitive really did it for me to because i can't tell you how many times I thought that my love was going to do something because I kept thinking it and sure enough the man does it and we get into this big 'ol fight (usually over nothing)!!! I love this ideal because it really can help me to be a better girlfriend for him. Ill keep this in mind for sure!!
by sunshinejaye on March 5, 2009 at 4:51 PM
Good advice, thanks, I'll try my best to put it to good use:)
by tdunn3 on June 30, 2009 at 8:26 AM
The greatest concept is to accept that you are in your marriage for your whole life. Problems aren't resolved when you have the mentality that marriage can be cut off at anytime. Don't take the easy way out and assume you can get a divorce at anytime; if you have the mentallity that no matter what you will be together, problems are worth working through.
by beabear12 on June 30, 2009 at 12:37 PM
This article is a nice reminder. Short and sweet, it says everything spouses need to remember.
by panchal on July 12, 2009 at 5:18 AM
key of life is understand each other .you would like to live for your patner( if he/she understand you).but some time we have to do somethimg that our patner don't like . in this time he/she should under stand .if he /she has any confusion they should Communicate .& trust each other. & just injoy the life .one most thing is that if you make any mistake/dislike thing ,you should say sorry to your patner & next time try to avoide these things .