Marriage counseling can help a couple work through problems by allowing them to work with an objective, trained professional. The counselor acts as a neutral sounding board, letting each partner have a say and guiding the couple to effective strategies for working out the issues. You may be nervous about your first marriage counseling meeting, but knowing what to expect can often alleviate your fears.
Reasons
There are many reasons a couple might seek marriage counseling, according to Jane Framingham, Ph.D., of PsychCentral. Some of the most common are financial problems, sexual incompatibility, parenting or step-parenting issues, infertility, cheating, substance abuse, emotional abuse and work problems that are spilling over into the relationship. The couple shares the specific reasons with the counselor at the first marriage counseling meeting. This initial meeting is an opportunity for the marriage counselor to explain how he would approach these issues. If the couple agrees, it can also be a time to formulate goals and a specific plan for the next sessions. Other issues may surface over time, but the first meeting is a time to address the initial problems.
Purpose
The purpose of marriage counseling is to help couples work through current problems and learn new coping skills. These skills can also be used on any future issues that arise in the marriage. The first meeting has its own purpose. It gives the couple a chance to meet the counselor and build up a comfort level and rapport. The husband and wife must be feel safe discussing delicate issues and practicing new skills in the counselor's office so they can eventually use them at home. During the initial meeting, both parties will see if they are comfortable with the counselor and her style before they delve into deep work.
Choosing a Counselor
Marriage counselors can be found through referrals from your doctor, health plan, clergy or friends, Framingham says. Professional organizations like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy also provide search databases (see Resources). Framingham advises that you may wish to find someone with special expertise, depending on your personal situation. For example, gay and lesbian couples can find counselors who work regularly with same-sex partners. Some counselors focus on certain issues, like infidelity, cross-dressing or sexual problems. Confirm the specialization during the first meeting. Author Willard F. Harley Jr. of Marriage Builders recommends asking where the counselor got her degree, how many years of experience she has and whether she has any special training or certification in marriage counseling.
Preparation
Prepare for your first marriage counseling session by making notes on the specific issues you wish to discuss. Have an insurance card or other appropriate paperwork if the sessions will be covered by your insurance plan. Otherwise, have cash, a check or a credit card to pay for the session. Find out which payment methods are accepted when you make the first appointment.
Time Frame
The procedure at your first marriage counseling meeting should be similar with any therapist. Framingham says the counselor will start off by explaining the general process, disclosing the cost and her confidentiality policy. She will listen to you and your spouse as you each explain the situation. She usually asks questions to clarify points and get more detail, but CNNHealth says she will not take sides. She may wish to talk to each of you alone for a few minutes, although most of the session will involve chatting with both of you in the room. At the end of the session she will briefly explain how she would approach your personal situation. You can make your next appointment before leaving if you wish to continue.
Time Frame
Marriage counseling sessions usually run 50 minutes to an hour, although the first session may run a bit longer. The counselor may ask you to arrive early so you can fill out paperwork. If the first session goes well and you decide to continue, Framingham says you can expect to go through about 12 to 20 sessions.
Warning
It is very important to choose a marriage counselor with whom both you and your spouse are comfortable. The first marriage counseling meeting will give you both a chance to decide whether a particular therapist is the right one. You may need to try another counselor if you are not comfortable with the first one you try. Keep assessing counselors until you find the best one to meet the needs of you and your partner.
