3 Ways to Share Child Rearing Responsibilities in a Marriage

1. This Ain't Your Mama's House

In days long past now, the women always stayed home and reared the children, while the men went out to the office to support the family. Men often didn't even see their children until the weekends, and then only if they didn't have outside activities like going to the office or golf. Today, even if a woman or a man decides to work inside the home taking care of the children, both parents are expected to share the child rearing responsibilities. No one derides a man for staying home from the office to take care of sick children. Men can be seen every day in malls across America, children in tow, shopping for new school clothes. Teachers expect both parents to be present at parent/teacher conference meetings. Both parents should be involved in the physical, spiritual and emotional upbringing of their children.

2. Talk Amongst Yourselves

Open discussions should begin even before a couple decides to have children. The timing and type of contraception affect both people. Talk about how many children you will have and who will stay at home with them, if that is what you decide to do. Talk about daycare and who will be responsible for it and what kinds of daycare are acceptable to both parties. Once the children are born, a man and woman need to talk amongst themselves to make a plan of care. Decide who will do which feedings and which nights each one will have off to get out alone. Decide when you will have that important date night together. By agreeing on terms of care ahead of time, neither parent is left holding the proverbial dirty diaper and end up resenting the other.

3. Get on the Same Page

Mothers and fathers don't always agree on child rearing issues. However, the couple should avoid letting the children see the disagreement, especially if it is heated. Children will learn early how to play one parent against the other and will eventually create a chasm in your relationship. Find ways to compromise about what activities your children will be involved in, what schools they will attend and how you mete out discipline. Agree on what church you will attend and how you will celebrate holidays. Two loving parents will come to the right decisions for their family when their hearts are in the right place. They have decided to share the responsibilities. One parent who is controlling matched with another who is apathetic will lead to frustration, resentments and a dysfunctional family unit.