With every conflict comes an opportunity for great personal development. Conflicts can cause people to examine their own emotions and motives, examine a situation from an entirely different perspective and work with others to come up with a mutually satisfying resolution. Sadly, most people do not recognize or take advantage of this opportunity for personal growth because they simply do not know what to do. However, the process of resolving conflicts is straightforward and is something anyone can learn.
Step 1
Recognize and manage your emotions. You need to be able to be in touch with your feelings to adequately explain your stance, but you should not let your emotions interfere with your logic or ability to view the situation from another perspective, says HelpGuide.org. Take time by yourself to examine your emotions and why they may be occurring to help you gain insight about the situation. If you find yourself getting upset or overly emotional, try deep breathing exercises, take a "time-out" to collect yourself or do something relaxing until you regain control.
Step 2
Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. This can be difficult to do sometimes, especially if you feel the other person may be acting maliciously toward you--however, operating with this belief will make you defensive and less inclined to work toward an amicable solution. Instead, change your mindset and try to be more open-minded. Recognize and accept the possibility that the situation may be just a misunderstanding that can easily be fixed.
Step 3
Listen to the other person. Instead of focusing on proving yourself right, try to understand where the other person is coming from and look at the situation from her perspective. Not only will this lessen the other person's defensiveness, but it may allow you to gain further insight and potential solutions to the problem. Consider summarizing or restating what you heard the person say to show you are listening and to ensure you are interpreting her meaning appropriately, suggests the counselors from University of Maryland's Health Center.
Step 4
Accept responsibility for your actions. Chances are good that you did something that contributed to the present situation. If this is the case, do not try to defend or justify your actions. Instead, take responsibility, admit your mistakes and offer a heartfelt apology. This can go a long way in diffusing the situation and bringing the conflict to a resolution.
Step 5
Forgive. Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning what happened, only that you are not going to allow it to hurt you anymore. Not forgiving others for their transgressions will only block any resolutions to the conflict and allow your pain or upset to continue.
Step 6
Keep conversations about the present situation. Avoid making comments about the past, and do not use phrases like "You never..." or "This always happens when you..." and similar phrases. This makes people defensive, which may make them completely miss the point you are trying to make, according to the University of Wisconsin-Madison's Office of Human Resource Development and Office of Quality Improvement. Instead, discuss specifically how you feel about the present situation and why you feel that way. Also, share your thoughts about what you would like to see changed.
Step 7
Agree on the actual problem. Although this may seem obvious, many conflicts continue because the parties involved do not agree on what the fundamental problem actually is. By both of you acknowledging the root of the conflict, you will be able to work more efficiently at resolving it.
Step 8
Negotiate. Decide which things you feel are important to resolve, and which things you may be willing to concede. Offer to help the other person get what he wants, if he will do something for you that will help you get what you want.
Step 9
Seek help. For particularly complicated or emotional conflicts, seek a third party to give an objective opinion or act as a mediator. Although an impartial friend, family member or acquaintance can help, using a professional counselor or mediator may be more effective.
Tips and Warnings
- Setting "ground rules" before sitting down with the other person can help the conversation stay focused and efficient.
- Pick your battles. Sometimes the amount of hard work it will take to solve a conflict may not be worth it, and it is better to walk away and save your energy for more important matters.
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