There's an old saying that in order to love someone else you have to first love yourself. While some might interpret that to mean you have be a narcissist to be in a relationship, the truth is that being confident and happy with who you are frees you up to find joy with someone else. In his book "Relationship Rules," retired communications professor and speaker Richard Weaver, Ph.D., writes, "What could be more important than working to develop a more positive self--one of the cornerstones for relationship success? By continually working on your self-confidence, you make positive and productive strides toward getting your own house in order before inviting anyone over."
The Real You
The more self-confidence you have, the more likely you are to just be yourself in a relationship. You won't be worried about trying to fit an image you think your partner or potential partner wants, but rather you can think, speak and behave in a manner that is natural and comfortable. Trying to maintain a different persona will ultimately lead to unhappiness on your part, because you won't be living the life you want, and because no matter how hard we try, we really can't sustain the act of not being ourselves. So when the truth comes out, your partner will feel that you haven't been honest.
Success Should Be Shared
Nationally known relationship coach and professional therapist Lisa Merlo-Booth, director of the Training for the Relational Life Institute, says that all too often people diminish their own successes to protect the psyches of others, as if your good news and accomplishments will somehow make others feel bad. Instead, you should understand that people who care about you want you to be happy, fulfilled and confident. Merlo-Booth says, "When those around you are strong, grounded, healthy people, they will rejoice with you in your successes. You will not need to make yourself small so they feel okay, nor would they want you to."
Self-confidence and Sex
A lack of self-confidence can often be most evident in the bedroom. Men and women who are self-conscious about their bodies and/or are uncomfortable even talking about intimate subjects can have troubles maintaining healthy relationships. If the physical aspect of a relationship is troubling you, start talking with your partner about your concerns and consider talking to a therapist, who can provide some objective and helpful advice.
Self-confidence Through Fitness
One of the best ways to have a healthier outlook on yourself is to feel good about your appearance. Regular exercise releases mood-improving chemicals in the brain and will help you lose weight, firm up muscles and rev up your metabolism to help you stay fit. The Mayo Clinic reports, "Meeting exercise goals or challenges, even small ones, can boost your self-confidence. Getting in shape can also make you feel better about your appearance." The better you feel physically will lead to a better mental outlook, too.
Self-confidence and Parenting
Being confident in your relationship with your partner is particularly important if the two of you have children. Kids want and deserve to have parents who feel good about themselves, because this translates into a more secure home life. And as role models, it's important for parents to show that you need to be able to share your feelings and speak your mind with confidence. As kids grow and form their ideas about the world, they need to see, for example, that a person doesn't have to look like a movie star to be in a happy and healthy relationship and that a person can have flaws or make mistakes and he or she will still be loved.
Self-confidence Is Sexy
Self-confidence itself is attractive. Think of rock singer Mick Jagger. He's certainly not classically handsome, but because he carried himself with such confidence and swagger onstage, women were crazy about him. When we're around people with low self-confidence, we might feel sorry for them and even want to help them, but we don't necessarily want to enter into a relationship with them. Conversely, we are naturally drawn to those who exude confidence. We hope that some of that confidence rubs off on us.
Overcoming Challenges
Self-confidence will allow you to handle the bumps that inevitably come along in any relationship. An article on the BBC's website related to sports and self-confidence actually sums up that idea succinctly. In a relationship, game, job or life itself, the importance of knowing that if something isn't working, you can fix it is an invaluable asset. The BBC notes, "Self-confidence allows you to take risks. When you have enough confidence in yourself to know that if things do go wrong, you can put them right, you can take it that bit further."
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