Self-confidence isn't a natural quality most people have; it's a feeling that you're a person who can handle most of the events life throws at you. People develop confidence over the course of their lives, based on their experiences. When your experiences are good, you gain confidence in your abilities and feel good about yourself. When your experiences don't instill that kind of comfort, you may feel insecure about yourself and wonder how to achieve self-confidence.
Step 1
Focus on your best qualities. Start and end every day by looking in the mirror and telling yourself three good things about yourself. Don't get distracted by negatives; keep your comments focused on things you're proud of or ways you succeeded.
Step 2
Set goals you can meet, and meet them. Be specific, and make your goals clear. For instance, plan to take a walk after dinner instead of making your goal to lose 10 pounds, or plan to talk to a new person at your next neighborhood meeting instead of making your goal to be more popular.
Step 3
Treat yourself to a reward when you meet one of your goals. Be sure to include self-congratulations in one of your daily "three good things" sessions.
Step 4
Acknowledge when you contribute to a negative situation, understand that you could do better next time and move on. Don't blame yourself when something bad happens. Don't get bogged down in feeling bad about yourself.
Step 5
Accept that you are better at some things than others. Instead of feeling bad because you're weak in certain areas, look for opportunities that let you play to your strengths.
Step 6
Be upfront about your feelings, needs and wants. It's very easy to feel like you don't matter if you never assert yourself. Practice speaking up so that you make your opinions and needs known.
Step 7
Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Instead, focus on the things you do well and things that you are proud of.
Tips and Warnings
- Building self-confidence takes time. If your confidence has been shaken because of a life situation, such as a traumatic childhood or an abusive relationship, a therapist may be able to help you put things in perspective and rebuild your confidence. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
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