Adopting a child can be a wonderful and rewarding way to grow your family, but just as giving birth to a child comes with its share of challenges, so does adoption. For parents who already have birth or adopted children, the issue of siblings dealing with a new adopted child is one that frequently comes up.
Time Frame
According to Adoptive Families magazine, it's important to start preparing your children for an adopted sibling early in the adoption process, even before your family's first home visit by a social worker. By giving your children plenty of time to get used to the idea, you increase the likelihood of a smooth family transition. Once your new child comes home, expect it to take several weeks for your new child to get accustomed to the rhythms of your home. You should also let your children know that they can expect a period of adjustment.
Significance
The relationship your existing children form with their new adopted siblings can be one of the key factors in a successful adoption, according to MN Adopt, a special initiative of the Minnesota Department of Human Services. Helping your children understand what to expect from the new addition to your family and managing their expectations about what life with a new sibling will be like can help your growing family move smoothly through the transition of adding a new member.
Considerations
The best way to help your children adjust to a new adopted sibling is to keep the lines of communication open before, during and after the adoption. It's a good idea to encourage your kids to talk about how they are feeling and to address their concerns, even if they seem silly to you. It's just as important to help your children have a realistic rather than an idealistic vision of what a new sibling will be like. For instance, if you're adopting a new baby, she will certainly be cute and fun, but she will also cry a lot and take a lot of Mom and Dad's attention.
Warning
If you're adopting a child with special needs, whether because of medical or socialization reasons, it's especially important to prepare your children for what to expect from their new sibling. You may want to ask your adoption social worker for family therapist recommendations so that your children have a non-biased party to ask their questions.
Expert Insight
Adoption may raise serious questions for some children, such as why parents would give up their child and worries about whether you might give them up, according to Adoptive Families magazine. Encourage your children to share their concerns with you, and talk to them matter-of-factly about the issues that worry them. Since many people make unintentionally rude comments about adoption, it's also a good idea to prepare your kids for questions like "Where did you get your brother?" and "Why don't you and your sister look the same?"
