Insecurity and self-doubt are often symptoms of deeper issues regarding feelings of abandonment. When the one you love rejects you, the pain of this person's abandonment may be further fueled by past remembrances of similar feelings of loss and disappointment.
Identifying the Origin
According to psychotherapist Sue Anderson, the origin of abandonment issues often begins very early in life. Even an infant may feel the fear of being left alone with no one to care for her. Other root causes of an abandonment issue may include the loss of a parent or a teenage breakup. Anderson explains that these situations are cumulative and contribute significantly to our relationships with others as an adult.
Triggers
Feelings of abandonment are most often triggered when an individual is rejected by someone whom he loves. Other triggers include social situations such as not being invited to an event by a friend, for example. Feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, rejection and betrayal are often experienced in these types of situations.
The Effects
For a person struggling with abandonment issues, feelings of fear and insecurity can often create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Those who are afraid of being abandoned may subconsciously attract a partner who will abandon them, or may choose to abandon their partner before it happens to them. Having abandonment issues can affect a person's ability to have a happy and healthy relationship with an individual that is fully available to them. Fear is at the root of abandonment issues. This can manifest in a number of ways, such as experiencing undesirable physical symptoms or simply reacting with preconditioned emotional responses to others in your life.
The Five Stages
According to Psychotherapist Sue Anderson of "Dealing with Abandonment Issues," the five stages of abandonment are: shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage and lifting. In the shattering stage, there is often a feeling of devastation after the severing of a love connection. Feelings of shock, panic and despair may accompany this beginning stage. In the withdrawal stage, feelings of yearning, obsessing and longing for this other person are experienced. During the internalizing stage, the one who has abandoned you may be placed upon a pedestal in your mind, while you look for ways to blame yourself to make sense of this rejection. When going through the rage stage, unhealthy thoughts of retaliation are common.
"Lifting" and Healing
During the fifth stage, lifting, life begins to distract you. Your heart becomes open to the possibility of love again. According to therapist Laura Frisbie, in order to heal abandonment issues completely, the individual must begin by coming to terms with the original cause of these feelings, which often happens in childhood. She explains that a shift in thinking must occur, which breaks the old pattern and leaves room for a new set of beliefs. The individual healing from abandonment issues must be able to become connected with her source of power while experiencing a feeling of unlimited potential and self-love.
