Few things are more frustrating than trying to have a conversation with someone who's decided to give you the silent treatment. Whether it's a friend who literally turns her back when you walk into the room, a co-worker who ignores your emails, or a partner who sits stubbornly silent whatever conversation topic you bring up, being on the receiving end of the silent treatment can be both hurtful and stressful. If you find yourself in that position, it helps to know how to handle the silent treatment.
Step 1
Make sure that you really are getting the silent treatment. If your partner is pointedly ignoring you, it's easy to tell that she's giving you the silent treatment, but when it comes to friends and co-workers, what you perceive as the silent treatment could really just be temporary unavailability. Stop by the person's office or leave a "hi, are you still alive?" message for a friend before deciding that you're getting the silent treatment.
Step 2
Be forthright and assertive. If you're getting the silent treatment from your partner or friend and you know the reason, say calmly and clearly that you're sorry for anything you did wrong and you'll be ready to talk when your partner or friend is. If you're getting the silent treatment at work, be proactive: Instead of waiting for a response, say something like "I'm going to plan the meeting for Tuesday at 9 unless you let me know a better time."
Step 3
Keep moving forward. Don't put plans or decisions on hold because of the silent treatment.
Step 4
Don't stop communicating. It's tempting to give back the silent treatment when you're getting it, but resist the urge. Continue to keep the silent treatment giver informed as you normally would. If it's at work, you may want to document your updates by sending an email in case the problem escalates.
Step 5
Let it go. Giving the silent treatment is ultimately an immature way to deal with problems. If it's a partner or friend, wait for it to blow over and then talk about how it made you feel. If it's at work, concentrate on doing your job and ignore the silent treatment.
Tips and Warnings
- It's often hardest for people to maintain the silent treatment in front of other people, because it makes the silent treatment giver look bad. If you're on the receiving end of the silent treatment and need an answer, consider asking for it in front of others.
- The silent treatment can signal the potential for abusive behavior. Consider seeking therapy if this is an ongoing problem in your relationship.
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