1. Overreacting Will Not Help
A child getting a bad grade in a school course is not the end of the world, so it shouldn't be treated as such. The more negative messages the child receives about their performance, the more shame you will induce. For some children, the negative messages improve performance but for most children it just creates resentment and fear of being ridiculed by the parent. Talking to your children about bad grades when you are angry or disappointed will only relay the message that they have done something terribly wrong that can't be redeemed. Calm down before bringing up the topic with your child and even analyze why you feel so angry or disappointed by their performance. It's normal to be concerned when a child performs poorly in school, but take a good look at your own issues. You could be projecting your fears of failure onto your child, which will only set them up for future problems. Be self aware, calm down and then approach the topic.
2. Listen to Your Kid's Explanations
Asking your children what caused the bad grade and really listening to their explanation is important. Children often feel like they're not being listened to and that their perspective is not being heard. Ask them if they have problems understanding the subject, if the teacher is doing an inadequate job, or if you can do something as their parent to help them improve their grades. When talking to your children about poor grades, it's essential that you understand any learning difficulties that might be associated before shaming or punishing them. Punishing a child because they made a bad grade can be extremely psychologically damaging if they have a learning disorder or some other problem that prevents satisfactory performance. Don't assume that the bad grade is all the child's fault, but also be wary of storming into the teacher's office and demanding the grade be changed. Be objective and neutral and ask your children what they think can be done to improve. Giving ultimatums and threatening punishment should only be attempted after negotiation and healthy communication.
3. Be Realistic
Holding a bad grade over a child's head is sure to cause resentment. Talk to the child once, make a game plan for how the problem will be fixed, and then let it go until grades come out next time. Setting up times to help your child with the topic or taking them to a tutor could be one way of ensuring that the performance doesn't slip throughout a semester or term. Make sure your expectations are manageable. Expecting an "A" in algebra from a child who doesn't like math and isn't good at it might be a bit much.
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