Seeing someone you care about go through pain or difficulty can be tough. Many people would like to help the person feel better and provide comfort but worry they may say or do the wrong thing and make matters worse. Fortunately, although comforting someone who is distraught may be awkward, it is not as difficult as it may seem and can be done with just a few simple steps.
Step 1
Encourage the person to share her feelings. Many people feel better by expressing their true feelings, but some people who are upset fear judgment or ridicule and try to hold back emotions or resist talking about what is truly bothering them. Let the person know you are there to provide understanding and support no matter what her true feelings may be.
Step 2
Listen. Many people mistakenly believe that in order to make someone feel better, they need to fix the problem or offer some solution. However, many times people who are distraught first just want someone to listen to them and validate their feelings. To show the person that you are actively listening, reflect back his feelings and summarize what you hear him saying, suggests counselors at the University of Maryland's Health Center.
Step 3
Clarify the true issue. Ask questions to see if you can help the person pinpoint the exact reason why she is upset. When you determine what is fueling the bad feelings, it will be easier to figure out if there is anything else that can be done to make the person feel better.
Step 4
Validate the person's feelings. Even if you don't agree with how the person is feeling, letting him know that he has a right to his emotions and you respect the way he is feeling will go a long way to making him feel better, according to a joint publication by the University of Wisconsin at Madison's Office of Human Resource Development and Office of Quality Improvement.
Step 5
Ask what else you can do to help the person feel better. Although it may seem obvious, too often people do not ask others how they would like to be comforted. Ask for specific things you can do that would help the person feel better, and then follow through at carrying out those requests.
Step 6
Encourage additional help. If you determine after talking to the person that comforting him may be bigger than you feel comfortable handling yourself, encourage the person to seek additional support from others. Other family or friends can provide assistance, or you may want to encourage the person to seek counseling or join a support group for serious issues.
Tips and Warnings
- Consider providing comfort in tangible ways as well. Running errands, helping with chores or giving a small present are examples of concrete ways you may be able to help make the person feel better. Be patient. Everyone processes feelings differently, and the person you are trying to comfort may take longer to feel better than you expect.
- If the person ever makes any suicidal comments, take it seriously and contact a mental health professional immediately.
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