4 Ways to Discuss Child Custody During Divorce

1. Use Mediation

Locate a trained mediator to host a discussion on child custody during divorce. The yellow pages have an entire section on mediators for family law matters. Contact them and schedule a meeting with the other parent. In preparation for the meeting, make a list of what you want, what you are willing o compromise on and what is the bare minimum you will accept. Both parties provide this information to the mediator in advance of the meeting. They are then able to help negotiate an agreement that will best accommodate both partners. Keep in mind this is not the forum to attack the other parent. The purpose of these discussions is to do what is in the best interest of the child. The vast majority of the time, shared access is in the best interest of the child.

2. Through the Lawyers

Work with your divorce lawyer on the terms of child custody during the divorce process. Keep in mind that lawyers are paid by the hour. Focus on the issue at hand and do not get distracted with your thoughts and feelings. Negotiate an arrangement and then follow through. Discussions and agreements made through lawyers can be provided to the judge as part of the divorce court proceedings. Failure to keep your promises does not reflect well.

3. With a Counselor

Most family courts offer a family law adviser or counselor. This person provides support and guidance on the law and conflict management. A session with them clarifies the issues and allows an arrangement to finalize. Parents meet with the counselor separately to discuss the issues, concerns and aims going forward. Once the main points are identified, the two parties come together with the counselor to work on the agreement.

4. Remember That You Share Responsibility

It is perfectly possible for the parents to make child care arrangement during the divorce process themselves. Simply schedule a time when you will not be interrupted and discuss it calmly and rationally. Even if you now hate this person, you share parenting responsibilities for the rest of your child's life. Set the tone from the beginning by focusing on the best interest of the child. Do not indulge in snide comments, attack statements or name-calling. Keep the tone civil and try to reach a fair agreement. Children need both their parents--do not use the failure of your relationship as an excuse to punish the child.