Although there is certainly no shortage of resources on effective parenting, many techniques in those resources are difficult to implement with a strong-willed child. This can be frustrating for parents struggling to raise their strong-willed child, because it may seem that everything they try doesn't work out the way it should. However, although much more patience and perseverance is needed, raising a strong-willed child may not be as difficult if you keep in mind a few simple procedures.
Step 1
Set clear limits and boundaries. Your strong-willed child should know exactly what he can and can't do. Many strong-willed children will try to test boundaries and break the rules just to see what will happen. When this occurs, you must stay firm and immediately dole out the consequences you have chosen for not following the rules.
Step 2
Be consistent. Although all children do best with consistency and predictability, this is especially true for strong-willed children, according to an article by Dr. Carl Pickhardt published on AtHealth.com. For example, while you may be able to get away with letting another child who is more flexible or easygoing stay up past his bedtime to watch a special movie, doing so with your strong-willed child may cause difficulty when you attempt to resume the normal routine.
Step 3
Be positive. Oftentimes the strong-willed child can act up out of boredom or because he feels like he is not getting enough attention. Be proactive to prevent this from occurring by providing ample positive activities for the family to do together. Give praise frequently for a job well done.
Step 4
Pick your battles. Trying to micromanage a strong-willed child is not a good idea. If you find yourself getting into arguments over what pajamas to wear, for example, it is a sign that the two of you are engaging in a power struggle that ultimately serves no purpose. While it is important to have rules and follow through with consequences when those rules are broken, focus on only the things that are truly important, and allow your child to have control over other inconsequential matters.
Step 5
Take care of yourself. Dealing with a strong-willed child can be exhausting, but allowing yourself to feeling stressed and tired will only make matters worse. If necessary, enlist the help of family members or friends to give yourself a break and recharge your spirit from time to time.
Step 6
Be patient. Many strong-willed children will go through periods of misbehavior followed by periods of obedience, according to Dr. James Dobson, author of "The New Strong-Willed Child" and contributor to FocusOnFamily.com. Remind yourself that with a great deal of love, consequences and consistency, you and your child will successfully be able to get through any rough patches.
Tips and Warnings
- Some strong-willed children will disobey just to assert their power but actually enjoy working towards goals and showing off accomplishments. Therefore, some strong-willed children may respond better to reward systems than punishment systems.
- If your child seems to be particularly defiant or oppositional, it may be a good idea to seek the advice of a doctor or mental health professional to see if there is a mental or physical disorder causing the behavior.
