Effective communication is key for a solid relationship, but with many couples, communication is mediocre at best. Couples don't understand how to effectively talk about their concerns and often become frustrated or angry with each other. Knowing how to express yourself in an adult and calm way can help you and your partner learn to put in the necessary effort to make a relationship work. Learn how to communicate effectively with your partner for a more successful experience together.
Step 1
Refrain from trying to communicate with your partner when you are angry. When you're angry, you have trouble expressing yourself in an understandable way. You only want to be heard, and aren't prone to listening. If you are angry, take a day or two to calm down before you sit down to communicate more effectively.
Step 2
Set aside time each week to talk things over. FamilyDynamics.com recommends taking a walk, going for a drive or participating in another activity each week that allows you to unwind and talk things over. You can mention things that have happened in the past, and look toward the future, without all of the pressure of a sit-down conversation, and without the strain that occurs when you haven't talked for a while.
Step 3
Utilize "I" communication, urges Families.com. "I" communication uses statements that begin with "I" to shoulder the responsibility and to talk more effectively about your wants and needs. Instead of accusing your boyfriend, "You always come in late," try a statement such as, "I feel upset when you come home late because I don't know where you are and it worries me." This prevents him from going on the defensive.
Step 4
Show respect when communicating. Dr. Willard Harley, a marriage therapist, notes that often in an argument, you use sarcasm, angry words and name-calling as part of the discussion. None of these "disrespectful judgments" has a place in an adult conversation. They only serve to hurt and cause more anger. Instead, speak respectfully to your partner to create a sense of safety and conflict resolution.
Step 5
Notice the non-verbal communication your spouse is presenting. She may be saying one thing, but be thinking another. If she says she is fine, but her arms are still crossed tightly in front of her, you should notice this non-verbal way of remaining closed off to you, and continue the discussion until it is resolved.
Step 6
Set communication rules, says Brigham Young University instructor Rory Reid. Rules give you both the opportunity to express your feelings and effectively work together for a solution. For instance, you each take a turn to express your initial positions. Then you identify the underlying issues, and finally work together to find a solution that benefits you both. These rules ensure that you both get what you want from the discussion.
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