Imagine yourself in Paris, trying to find your way to your hotel. You don't quite speak the language, and the cab driver doesn't quite get your hand motions and ninth-grade French. There's a chance you'll end up where you need to be, but it's just as likely you'll get out of the cab somewhere in the middle of Cannes. It would be so much easier if you just spoke the language. That fact is also true in human relationships where men and women struggle to understand what each other is saying so they can get where they need to be. Learning to speak your man's language will help you get there faster.
Step 1
Understand that the way men and women communicate is simply different, according to relationship expert and author John Gray. Men want immediate gratification for their actions, Gray says, and one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make is to assume that they wish to be treated the same way a woman wishes to be treated. While a woman may enjoy a long build-up to a conversation, men prefer that partners get to the point quickly and succinctly.
Step 2
Find the right time to talk. Men--or really anyone--are less likely to be receptive to any communication attempts if they are not in the mood. If your man is watching television, reading, working or otherwise engaged, ask if he feels like chatting with you. If the answer is no, ask if you can talk when he's done doing his task. You're more likely to get his full attention if you're willing to compromise on the timing of the conversation. Professional and personal coach Emily Bermes of Solstice Coaching and Consulting suggests talking while you are doing something together such as playing a game, taking a drive or jogging, as men find conversation more enjoyable as part of an overall activity.
Step 3
Look like you're interested in talking to him once you've gotten his attention. Men like it when you maintain eye contact, speak in a pleasant tone and lean toward them in your conversation. Keep your side of the communication as direct and simple as possible, but make sure to add enough detail to feel as though you've gotten your point across. Ask direct questions when you're done speaking, such as, "Do you agree?" or "Does that make sense?" or "What do you think?" However, relationship expert Peter Murphy from Earthling Communications suggests only asking questions to which you don't already know the answer. Although women like to explore information they already know, men do not.
Step 4
Listen when he responds. Men may not want to have long exploratory conversations, but they do know how they feel and what they want. When he responds to you, give his answer due consideration before continuing the conversation, especially if you disagree. Because men respond so well to appreciation, you'll have a more persuasive conversation if you can find something in your man's side of the discussion to agree with.
Tips and Warnings
- Be patient. It takes a while to become fluent in any language.
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