Whether you want to impart your parental wisdom or understand the pressing concerns of youth, effective communication is vital for building a strong, positive relationship with your child. Unfortunately, vast differences in age, values and life experience can prevent parents and children from seeing eye to eye--making healthy dialogues a challenge. By learning how to effectively speak and listen to your child, you can create an atmosphere of respect, earn your child's trust and set the stage for a lifetime of successful communication.
Step 1
Ask questions. Some children are unlikely to initiate conversation, especially when they aren't confident their ideas matter. By asking casual questions about your child's life, friends, desires and day-to-day experiences, you acclimate her to low-pressure communication and help her become comfortable talking with you. Over time, your child may approach you with more important topics and questions of her own.
Step 2
Listen actively. As the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, children are more likely to communicate when you express sincere interest in their thoughts. Instead of acting distracted or disinterested when your child attempts conversation, encourage him to tell you more about the topic at hand, restate his ideas to show you are listening, ask questions for clarification and offer your own opinion when appropriate. Making frequent eye contact will also demonstrate to your child that you're engaged in the dialogue.
Step 3
Avoid judgment and criticism. Even if you don't agree with your child or are opposed to something she did, reacting harshly will only sever the lines of communication and damage your role as a confidant. Speak and listen with calmness and compassion; if you want to express a dissenting view, do so with sensitivity toward your child's feelings.
Step 4
Validate your child's emotions--even when those emotions seem petty, trivial or unfounded. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, children lack the experience necessary to put their feelings and experiences into perspective, and may react in ways that seem overdramatic to adults. Instead of telling your child he should feel differently or downplaying his emotions, reassure him that his feelings are legitimate. In doing so, you create an environment where communication feels safe and respectful.
Step 5
Provide positive reinforcement when your child opens up to you--such as verbal appreciation or affectionate hugs. As the Child Development Institute explains, praising your child's efforts to communicate will encourage her to continue doing so.
Tips and Warnings
- When talking with your child, turn off distractions such as the television and radio so you can devote your full attention to communicating. If you're tired, angry or annoyed, avoid holding important discussions with your child until you're in a better mood.
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