Your preschooler's hair pulling, biting and temper tantrums may sometimes cause you to feel more like a zookeeper than a parent. You're not alone. Because children grow by testing their limits, most parents have to deal with behavioral challenges at some point. Chances are your child is normal, but you could also be dealing with some dangerous behavior. Since every child is unique, there is not a singular guidebook that separates completely normal behavior from behavioral problems. Finding the balance is more about examining your child's personality and balancing it with what you and society expect from him.
Normal Behavior
Defining "normal" behavior largely depends on context, according to the American Academy of Family Physicians website. Your child's personality, age and level of development all influence his behavior. Age-appropriate behavior that accords smoothly with family and social expectations may be defined as "normal." In some cases, what your family considers appropriate and what is acceptable by law, ethics or society may be different. As the parent, you are responsible for negotiating any discrepancies between the two sides.
Behavioral Problems
Some types of behavior are considered problematic by most people. Aggressive behaviors such as injuring others, destructing property, stealing property and abusing one's own body are generally considered problematic. Actions that are physically, emotionally or socially harmful may need to be remedied regardless of whether your child is old or mature enough to understand the ramifications. For example, a toddler may simply be physically restrained from hitting while an older child may be stopped and lectured on why hitting is inappropriate.
Causes
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, all children are born with a set temperament. Some children are born with the ability to easily adapt to their environment while others fight it. The way a child is parented and other aspects such as health and interactions with peers may slightly modify his basic temperament but it is usually well-defined by his school years. A reclusive child or a boisterous and challenging child may exhibit innate behaviors that don't mesh well with expectations. However, a child may also have a mental health disorder that causes him to exhibit behavioral problems. Genetics, chemical imbalances, injuries and emotional stress can all contribute to mental health disorders.
Changing Misbehavior
Most of the time, parents and other authority figures can help correct a child's behavior by reacting appropriately and consistently. Rewarding positive behavior and ignoring negative behavior tends to work best because children respond to attention whether it is negative or positive. However, it isn't wise to simply ignore behaviors that could cause immediate danger to your child or anyone around him. Responding inconsistently (for example, allowing him to hit you while play but punishing him for hitting a friend) is likely to confuse him. If you believe that your child's behavior is becoming a problem, consider his age and stage of development before you respond to it.
Warning Signs
It is normal for your child to misbehave on occasion, but consistent misbehavior (hostile, aggressive or disruptive behavior for more than six months) could be a sign of a behavior disorder, according to the National Institutes of Health. Some signs of a behavior disorder include physical harm or threats to oneself, others or animals; early frequent arguments and tantrums; lying or stealing; damaging property; constant hostility toward authority figures; problems in school; early drinking, smoking or drug use. Consult a pediatrician if you have any concerns about your child's behavior.
