When parents go through a divorce, everyone in the family is affected. For children, parents' divorce can be scary and stressful. The best way to help children cope with a divorce is to keep the lines of communication between parents and kids open and active and help your children feel comfortable expressing even their saddest and angriest feelings.
Step 1
Ask your children what they're feeling, and really listen to what they say. Try to put your own feelings aside and really focus on how they are feeling. Don't try to change their feelings or spin things more positively at that moment; instead, really focus on what your children are telling you.
Step 2
Make an agreement with your former spouse to refrain from saying bad things about each other to or in front of your children. This can be hard if your split is an acrimonious one, but find a therapist, friend or family member to vent your negative feelings to instead of sharing them with your children. Remember that your children love you both, and don't make them choose sides.
Step 3
Reassure your child often that even though your marriage is ending, your job as his parents will never end. Be sure your child understands that divorce is about marriage, not about family, and you and your spouse will always be your child's family.
Step 4
Make it convenient for your child to see her other parent, and encourage her in that relationship even if it's hard for you. Remember that children need both parents, so unless your spouse is abusive, encourage their relationship.
Step 5
Be honest with your child about what's going to happen, and let her know when you aren't sure about how a particular situation---such as leaving your home---will play out. Knowing the truth is often less scary for children than the possibilities they imagine.
Step 6
Consider professional help for your entire family, separately or together. Coping with a divorce can be complicated and emotional, and a professional therapist or counselor might be able to help you and your children cope with the changes it involves.
Tips and Warnings
- Many children feel responsible for their parents' divorce, so it's a good idea for both parents to reassure their child that the child had no role in the parents' divorce. Some children may exhibit aggressive, angry behavior during and after divorce. If your child is having trouble expressing his feelings in healthy ways, consider seeing a therapist to help him learn to cope with his anger.
