Jealousy, whether it's yours or your partner's, can put a lot of strain on a relationship. Knowing how to handle jealousy in a relationship involves learning how to reprogram individual reactions, which can be challenging. But if you value your relationship and jealousy is an ongoing problem for one of you, learning how to manage jealousy in a healthy, effective way can keep your relationship from falling apart.
If You Are Jealous
Step 1
Be honest with your partner about how you feel. Tell her what behaviors and situations make you jealous, even if saying it out loud makes you feel silly or embarrassed. Sometimes just talking about your jealousy will help mitigate it, or your partner may not have realized how a particular behavior affects you.
Step 2
Ask for an unbiased opinion. Understand that jealousy can make you irrational and unreasonable about certain issues, even if you're an otherwise rational and reasonable person. Seek input from a good friend or professional counselor who can help you evaluate whether your jealousy is based in reality or fantasy.
Step 3
Control your jealousy by acknowledging it. If your partner is flirting with the waitress, and it makes you feel jealous, admit your feelings to yourself and ask yourself if they make sense. Push yourself to justify your jealousy with hard evidence, and if you can't find genuine support for your feelings, use that logic to dismiss your jealousy.
Step 4
Consider seeing a therapist to help you work through the issues causing your jealousy, especially if you know that your jealousy comes from low self-esteem or depression. Know that it's normal to be jealous and you can learn to deal with it.
If Your Partner is Jealous
Step 1
Talk to your partner about her jealousy and ask her what's causing it. Listen to her response, and determine whether the causal factors are something you can change--you flirt a lot with other people when you're on a date or you don't spend a lot of time with her--or something she has to change, such as feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem.
Step 2
Try to see your partner's point of view, even if you think his jealousy is unfounded. Learn to be aware of situations that cause him to feel jealous, and if you can avoid them, do. If you can't avoid situations, come up with a code together--a hand squeeze or a secret word--that you can give each other during situations that usually cause jealousy to make it clear to each other that you're emotionally connected.
Step 3
Don't give in to unreasonable or controlling demands. If your partner thinks you flirt too much, it's OK to tone it down, but don't stop going out with your friends because she's worried that you'll cheat on her. Let your partner know that you care about and want to support her feelings, but trying to control your behavior is abusive.
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