Controlling parents can be a huge problem for children to deal with, and even for adults. Controlling parents can lead to the child feeling a lack of freedom, hindered emotional development and, long-term, can lead to feelings of resentment that fracture the child-parent relationship. If you have controlling parents, you should address the issue and take initiative; emotions involved in talking to your parents on such a sensitive subject will be uncomfortable. However, the long-term gain of resolving a difficult situation will be worth any short-term awkwardness.
Step 1
Recognize the controlling behaviors that bother you. It is likely that your parents are not fully aware of the damage being done by their controlling behavior. Before you confront them, know which behaviors you want your controlling parents to improve on. Common issues with controlling parents include violations of privacy, manipulation or expecting to make your major life decisions for you. If you have controlling parents, it is common to feel guilt for deviating from their decisions, and to feel increased anxiety and frustration as you find the standards of your parents impossible to live up to.
Step 2
Communicate with your parents. Communication is the best way to convey your emotions regarding their controlling behavior. Calmly tell them in a polite but firm manner you feel controlled and are uncomfortable. Ensure them that you love them but you are feeling frustrated. This may take more than one conversation, but parent-child communication is the best remedy.
Step 3
Explain examples when you feel their controlling behavior has had a negative impact on your life. It may also help to suggest ways they could have handled the situation differently. It is important not to attack your parents and to assure them you are looking to improve your relationship with them.
Step 4
Expect a possible initial negative reaction, it is not easy for a parent to hear that her child is unhappy with her. It is important you do not turn parent communication into a confrontation; always reaffirm that you are looking to improve the relationship you have with them.
Step 5
Limit time you spend with your controlling parents. It is probably best not to live with or spend daily time with your parents if you find them controlling. Show them you have a life that you capably lead; this will increase their level of trust in you.
