Fear of intimacy can involve everything from hiding your poetry from your significant other to rejecting sex. While sexual inhibition is the most pervasive, a lack of healthy communication in your partnership can also damage your relationship as well as your self-esteem. While you might need therapy to be able to overcome deeply rooted fears of intimacy, there are some small things you can do on your own to overcome this fear.
Step 1
Consult with your doctor to determine if you have depression or anxiety. Understand that these conditions can easily affect your mood, which can also prevent you from sharing things with your significant other. Know that it is possible that you do not have the fear of intimacy you believe you do.
Step 2
Concentrate on being a friend to your romantic partner. Write down on paper what you want to share with this friend and work on doing so one item at a time.
Step 3
Respect your own abilities, ambitions, interests and limitations. Forgive yourself for your own mistakes as you would forgive your significant other for his. Repeat affirmative statements to yourself about the fact that we live in an imperfect world and thus, that you do not have to be perfect, either.
Step 4
Keep a journal to record your feelings regularly. Articulate your feelings on paper to help you make the shift to express them aloud. Write down potential dialogues between you and your partner. Anticipate threatening things this person might say, and figure out how you can counter these statements.
Step 5
Set aside time every week to share experiences with your significant other. Go out for dinner and try pretending that your spouse is a biographer to whom you are sharing your life story. Listen carefully and avidly as your significant reciprocates by sharing her life experiences (as the things you discover through this kind of conversation can bring you both to a greater sense of intimacy with each other).
Step 6
Pay attention to what your partner loves and make an effort to provide it frequently. Cook your significant other's favorite foods, treat your partner to his favorite restaurants and accompany him to his favorite places to create an accepting, pleasant atmosphere to share intimacy.
References
- AllAboutLove.org: Fear of Intimacy
- Firestone, Robert; Fear of Intimacy; American Psychological Association; December 2000
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