It's tempting to give up on a bad relationship, particularly if your once-strong romance has disintegrated to the point that it seems that the only thing the two of you ever do together is argue. Hitting a bump in your relationship doesn't have to mean the end of your time together if you are both committed to improving your communication skills. Successfully repairing the relationship involves identifying key problem areas and working together to find compromises to strengthen and repair your relationship.
Step 1
Use a timer as an aid in starting the discussion about your problems. Set the timer for five minutes and allow one person to discuss concerns about the relationship uninterrupted. At the end of the five minutes, allow equal time for the other person to discuss problems in the relationship.
Step 2
Identify the key problems in your relationship. Jealousy, lack of agreement about financial decisions, time spent on hobbies and differences in communication styles can all cause major issues in a relationship.
Step 3
Learn to clearly state what you expect from the relationship. The Counseling and Mental Health Center at the University of Texas at Austin recommends taking the time to identify what you really want before bringing up an issue with your partner. Rather than saying, "I wish we did more things together," try saying, "I would like to go to the movies with you on Saturday."
Step 4
Avoid accusations when discussing problems, and do your best to stay calm when discussing your concerns. Think about the way you would approach solving a problem with a co-worker, and try to use the same approach when discussing a problem with your partner.
Step 5
Develop a plan for dealing with your problems. If communication is an issue, make a point to spend 20 minutes at the end of the day talking. If money is the root of your problem, work together to plan a budget that will allow the saver in the relationship to still save some money, while the spender still has some discretionary income.
Step 6
Make plans to spend time together. Helpguide.org recommends finding a shared hobby, going to a new restaurant or taking a day trip to a new place to help restore the fun in your relationship.
Tips and Warnings
- Do something nice for the other person as part of the relationship repair process. A massage, a bouquet of flowers or tickets to a sporting event can let your partner know you understand the things that are important to him. Consider counseling if you and your partner aren't able to solve your problems. Counseling can help you identify patterns of behavior in your relationship and develop strategies to overcome your problems.
- Don't try to fix a bad relationship if you are being mentally or physically abused. Chances are that your partner will not change, despite any promises, and staying with this person may put your life in jeopardy.
Things You'll Need
- Timer
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