Discipline is approached differently in different cultures and belief systems. However, most children can be disciplined with consistent, fair and understood guidelines set in place at an early age. Discipline isn't about punishment but is about being able to guide and instruct children in the difference between right and wrong, good manners and bad manners and instruction in treating others fairly, nicely and with respect. These same principles go for adopted children as well, though some parents of small children as well as those who are older often struggle with expectations and manners in which discipline is carried out in the new family environment.
Step 1
Be fair and consistent with rules and repercussions for all children in the family. This may be especially true if the adopted child sees a natural child in the family unit being disciplined differently for the same infraction. Rules of the house should be static and based on age or maturity levels,
Step 2
Reassure an adopted child that you love him in times of peace as well as in times of turmoil. Depending on the age of the child at adoption, discipline may prove challenging. For example, a child who is 10 when adopted may feel that any form of discipline, such as time out, spanking or grounding, is because he is adopted and that he's not really loved.
Step 3
Teach your children how to respect others. You do this by example. However, keep in mind that children are often quite verbal and that they say things without thinking at the most inopportune times. Gently reprove such comments at the time if you're out, and then take the time to explain to the child later why you reprimanded her for saying what she did. Adopted older children may be extremely susceptible to correction or disapproval, fearing they may be sent back, not loved anymore or uncertain as to their sense of belonging in the family unit for several months or even years. Respect goes a long way toward alleviating such feelings, but it must be earned both ways.
Step 4
Determine to encourage discipline in an older adopted child as well as trying to understand reasons why a child may be acting out. If the child was abused or neglected, you've got to show plenty of patience with various aspects of discipline when it comes to expectations. Try to communicate your concerns to the child, and encourage him to tell you what he is feeling; anger, fear and uncertainty are common in such children. Be firm in your expectations and maintain consistency in your rules.
Restricting use of television, computer or free time, as well as grounding, may increase difficulty with such children, says Sandra Lundberg of Focus on the Family. Instead, parents of adopted older children are encouraged to take discipline a step at a time, providing calm and loving examples of what is expected that are displayed not only by the adoptive parents but by other siblings as well.
