Leaving a verbally abusive relationship is difficult because you may feel as though you have done something to deserve the treatment. Verbal abuse is oftentimes overlooked because, unlike physical abuse, there is no discernible sign of abuse. On the contrary, verbal abuse is a psychological scar that has the ability to affect every aspect of your life and any future relationship. Although leaving the relationship presents a new set of challenges, if you maintain a firm resolution to follow the necessary steps, you can regain the self-respect that you deserve.
Step 1
Recognition. Recognizing that the abuse is not your fault is the most important step in the process of leaving an abuser. Your abuser has told you that you are worthless and powerless; your strength lies in the fact that you recognize that the abuse is unacceptable. You need to acknowledge that it is not you but the abuser who is weak. The abuser has chosen you as the target to conceal his deficiencies. A relationship requires mutual respect; if this is missing, there is no foundation for any relationship.
Step 2
Get support. Talk to family and friends and tell them the situation, if they are not aware of the circumstances. This is essential because there are times that you may have a tendency to make excuses for the abuser. If you have been honest with those who are closest to you and keep an open line of communication with them, they won't allow you to rationalize any of the abuser's actions. Join a support group of people who are also suffering from abuse and share your thoughts with them; sometimes, it's easier to share your struggles with people who have been in similar situations.
Step 3
Be aware. The process of adjustment is difficult; you have become accustomed to your life without your abuser, and there are times where you will even miss the abuser. Don't lose your resolve to stay away from the abuser; change your phone number, move into a new place or change the lock. Inevitably, your abuser will try to contact you and apologize or try to convince you of the positive aspects of your life with him. Don't answer the phone or engage in any conversation with him; immediately call someone who is in your support network, and if necessary, call the police.
Step 4
Maintain. Find strength in your family, friends and support group constantly, but especially in particularly weak moments. Reaffirm the valuable lessons you have learned from leaving the abusive situation by writing a list of your life with the abuser and comparing it to life without the abuser; having these in writing is a visual reminder of the mental abuse that you suffered. Your freedom lies in this continual affirmation of your fortitude and self-worth.
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