Disciplining a child is a critical component of parenting. The bulk of your socialization efforts should focus on praise, positive feedback and rewards. Kids stretch limits, test rules and follow the leads set by peers and others who can encourage inappropriate and misguided behavior. As a parent, you must understand how to set limits and use discipline to deal effectively with misbehavior.
Manage Consequences
When children engage in behaviors that result in rewards, they are more likely to repeat those behaviors. If certain behaviors result in negative consequences, they are less likely to repeat them. Thus, when your child engages in a behavior that you want him to continue, you should reward it. If you want to eliminate a behavior from his repertoire, apply a negative consequence. For example, if your child puts his toys away, he can watch television. If he doesn't, he cannot watch his favorite program. Do not yell, and never use physical punishment. These consequences are ineffective and they have unintended negative effects.
Effective Commands
An effective command clearly outlines that which the child needs to do, the time she needs to do it and the positive and negative consequences that will follow for complying or not complying with the command. You might say, "You need to clean up the toys before you can watch TV." The key is to identify rewards that will be given or withheld contingent upon the child's behavior. This approach minimizes yelling and diminishes the power struggle. You establish your power as a simple fact. The child gets what she wants by doing what you want.
Use Warnings
Children benefit from warnings and reminders. You might say, "You need to shut off the television and get ready for bed in five minutes if you want us to read a story together." This reminder mentions the reward---reading a story together---that is attained, or not, depending on the child's compliance.
Modeling
Recognize the power of role modeling. Children will copy the behavior of the people around them, including their parents. If you do not want your child to yell, argue, swear or be physically aggressive, you must avoid engaging in any of these behaviors yourself.
House Rules
Discuss and agree upon house rules that apply to everyone, including adults. Rules should include consequences. If somebody is disrespectful or uses language that is off limits, there should be an established consequence, such as putting a quarter in the "pizza fund" jar.
Time Outs
Time outs are effective for young children. The time out should be no longer than the child's age. For example, a 6-year-old child should get a 6-minute time out for misbehavior. As the child gets older, time outs should be used more as opportunities for the child to calm down than as punishments. The child should be encouraged to take some time to settle down and then return once he is able to control himself.
