Many parents choose to have their baby in bed with them because it makes nighttime nursing easier, it's more soothing for the baby and perhaps more comforting for tired parents. However, there comes a time in the life of every parent when it's time to get the baby out of your bed. The timing for this is a personal choice and there are many methods to aid in the task. While the methods may be different--and the same method will not work for every child--they all share the necessity of patience and tenacity.
Step 1
Sleep with a blanket, stuffed animal or other lovey with your child and spouse for several weeks before you begin to transfer your child to his own sleeping space. This will give your child something to sleep with that reminds him of you, once he's moved out of your bed.
Step 2
Begin the process at nap time. If you always sleep when your baby sleeps, begin the process of transferring your baby to his own crib at nap time. This gives you time to work with your baby for short periods of time when it's likely you're feeling not as tired or frustrated. Warm the crib sheet of a portable crib with a hot water bottle while you nurse your baby and get him to feel sleepy. Remove the hot water bottle and place the baby in the bed with the blanket or stuffed animal that should carry the scent of the family bed.
Step 3
Offer a soothing back rub if your child fusses at all. When you begin this process, it's important that your child is very sleepy so he doesn't have to work too hard to fall asleep. Try to leave him alone in the portable crib before he is entirely asleep, but in the beginning if he falls asleep while you are soothing him, that's OK.
Step 4
When your baby wakes and fusses, baby expert Dr. Richard Ferber suggests allowing the child to cry for 15 minutes to see if he will self-soothe his way back to sleep, while Dr. William Sears suggests going to your child immediately. Some parents choose to split the difference between these two methods by going to the child immediately, but not picking him up. Instead, hold his hand and sing softly to him, or rub his back until he calms down and then leave the room again. Keep repeating the process as needed.
Step 5
Use a simple kitchen timer to give your child time to self-soothe. Dr. Ferber suggests waiting 5 minutes before going to soothe your child on the first night, then waiting 10 minutes and 15 minutes before entering the room a second and third time, if necessary. On the second night, wait 10 minutes the first time, followed by soothing visits in 15 minutes and then 20 minutes. You can choose a smaller time frame, though. Once you hear your child crying, set the timer and wait to go into your child. The theory behind this is that a child must learn to put himself to sleep and that takes some time. Try elongating the times between when the crying starts and when you go in to help your child soothe himself. Many people who follow the advice of Dr. Ferber find it takes only a few nights of crying before the child learns to put himself back to sleep.
Step 6
Parent your child to sleep as suggested by Dr. Sears. His method for teaching a child to sleep involves the parent rocking the child until he is asleep before putting the child in his own bed, and then soothing the child when he wakes up. Dr. Sears reports that babies and parents sleep differently, so babies need to be soothed back to sleep and not just exhaust themselves with crying. If one method works for your baby, great, but if it doesn't, try the other method to see if you have better success.
Step 7
Try the same method for nighttime sleeping, once your child can sleep on his own during naps. If you use a portable crib, you'll be able to have the baby close by in the night so he can hear you and you can easily get to him. Eventually you can move him away from you and into his own room.
Tips and Warnings
- Some children benefit from sleeping in a family bed for years. Always make sure to do what you think is best for your family. It's OK to change the rules when your child is sick, and bring him back into bed with you. However, there will likely be some regression once it's time for him to go back to his own bed.
- If you're planning to move a child, who cannot roll over, out of your bed, do not put a blanket or other lovey in the crib with him as that can be a suffocation risk. Instead, you can try sleeping with a blanket sleeper or onesie and then dress your child in that outfit before putting him down for his nap.
Things You'll Need
- Portable crib
- Timer
- Blanket or stuffed animal
