Spousal abuse appears in many different forms and is pervasive among both men and women. Your tolerance may be high for mild verbal abuse or you may be in danger from extensive physical abuse. Either way, there are steps you can take and support available if you want to stop spousal abuse.
Step 1
Learn to recognize the signs of abuse, note the counselors at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Subtle forms of abuse include making all the decisions in the family and preventing you from socializing on your own. If your spouse keeps all your paychecks or threatens to take away or hurt your children, you may be abused. Signs of pending physical abuse include threats of violence, threats to commit suicide and any hands-on force, like shoving or grabbing.
Step 2
Talk to a counselor, minister, doctor or someone at a domestic violence hotline, such as the one offered by the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. Explain your situation to get validation that you are indeed getting abused. Recognizing and admitting that spousal abuse is going on is the first step toward change.
Step 3
Call 911 if you are in imminent danger or believe that another person is in danger. Teach children in an abusive household how to dial 911 and explain to them what will happen.
Step 4
Leave the house after the first violent attack. Abusers are troubled and will not stop the abuse without therapeutic help, report doctors at the Mayo Clinic. Once begun, violence is more likely to elevate and become more serious. Go to a battered women's shelter in your community, stay with a trusted friend or relative, or get a hotel room until you can make arrangements to move.
Step 5
Obtain a restraining order of protection. A restraining order is a court mandate for the abuser to stay away from you under penalty of arrest. Talk to an attorney or ask a victim's advocate to help if you need it. You can get the paperwork and file a petition at your local courthouse. If you are in immediate danger, an order for protection can be started immediately, otherwise a hearing typically is set within a couple of weeks. There is no cost to file a restraining order.
Tips and Warnings
- Don't go through the experience alone. Express your concern to a friend, family member or trusted adviser about the problems you are experiencing. Having another person watch your back and be willing to take action if you are unable may make a difference when the abuse escalates.
- Once you realize you may be in danger, take steps to protect yourself and your children. Keep a phone on you at all times, have a spare car key hidden outdoors as well as a get-away bag that includes credit cards and cash.
Things You'll Need
- Restraining order
- Spare car key
- Phone
- Get-away bag
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