Researchers at the Social Issues Research Center report that when flirting, body language is much more important and telling than talking, especially during the initial flirting phase. They report that upon a first meeting, 55 percent of a first impression is developed based on appearance and body language, 38 percent on speaking style and only 7 percent on the actual words you say. To make sure you don't misinterpret flirty body language and that you catch it when it comes your way, there are a few basic concepts that can help.
Step 1
Stay aware of excessive arm and hand movements. This can be a sign that the person is trying to get and keep your attention. When flirting, both men and women tend to exaggerate their body movements, including tilting their heads, opening their palms and moving their hands together as if they were clapping.
Step 2
Wait to be touched if you are a man. Women are much less open to touching and may take any physical contact as threatening. But when a woman initiates touching, even if done casually and briefly, it is most often a serious sign of flirting.
Step 3
Watch for a leaning posture. When a person leans in toward you, even if it's only subtly with their shoulders, they are interested in you and may begin flirting. Flirting postures also are in play when a person you are talking to mimics your movements; when you move one shoulder, she moves the same shoulder. If you tilt your head or lean forward and the other person does the same, you can be assured she is flirting with you.
Step 4
Consider most types of preening as a sign of flirting. Men adjust their ties, tug up their pants and smooth their hair when they are beginning to flirt. Women smooth their hair and may touch their lips to make sure their lipstick is not smudged. Women also adjust their clothing and often begin flirting by exposing some skin on their shoulder, thigh or neck.
Step 5
Look into the eyes to detect flirting. Men and women both have enlarged pupils when they are flirting. Women tend to blink faster when flirting, thus the term "batting her eyelashes," while men may move their eyes over a woman's entire body before returning their eyes to her face.
Tips and Warnings
- Pay attention to the body position of a person to find out if she is just being polite by smiling and talking with you or if she is really flirting. If she keeps her feet and her posture turned toward you, then she is interested. If she is looking at you while turning her feet or her shoulders away from you, then she is just being sociable.
- Don't rely entirely on facial expressions when reading a person's body language. Most people are astute at controlling their face and maintaining polite expressions. People often control their face when they are trying to hide their true feelings. Use facial expressions in tandem with other body language readings to be sure you are seeing flirtations.
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