Physically leaving an abusive relationship is potentially the most difficult part in breaking the cycle of abuse forever. There is a tremendous amount of fear involved in the process of leaving an abuser, and this fear often prevents action. Abuse usually escalates over time and is followed by promises and apologies from the abuser. This frequently causes the abused person to feel guilty. The abuser rationalizes the abuse, and you believe him. Breaking the cycle of abuse requires an impenetrable resolution to pursue the crucial steps necessary to leave the relationship and reclaim your self-worth.
Step 1
Acknowledgment. Acknowledging that you are not to blame for the abuse is the most crucial step to take when leaving an abuser. Your abuser has made you believe that you are useless and that the abuse is a consequence of your own deficiencies. You accept the belief that you are fortunate to have him, because he stays with you despite your shortcomings.
Your source of strength must come from the recognition that the abuse is never acceptable. In fact, your abuser targets you to hide his imperfections. Before you can leave an abusive situation, you must grasp the fundamental concept that you deserve to be respected and valued.
Step 2
Support. Family, friends and support groups are key allies---not only against your abuser, but also against yourself. Victims of abuse frequently justify the abuser's actions and often return to the abuser numerous times before leaving forever. If you have a solid support system, you are less likely to return to your abuser. You need to be honest with friends and family and trust their judgments, because they have witnessed the consequences of the abuse from an objective viewpoint. Join a support group for abuse victims; it may be more comfortable for you to share your experiences and relate to people who have endured similar hardships.
Step 3
Discontinue Communication. The process of cutting off communication can be extremely difficult, as well as dangerous. You may have to exclude mutual friends from any contact or awareness of your location. Your abuser knows you and will do anything to gain access to information about you or where you are. You need to change your phone number, your habits and your address.
If your abuser knows where your family or close friends live, consider staying with someone he doesn't know. Remain vigilant in your privacy, even with people you know. Your abuser doesn't perceive boundaries and will try to obtain any possible information about you. As elementary as it may seem, don't give any of your information to people other than those you trust implicitly. Your mutual friends may not have seen the abusive side of your partner.
Step 4
Get a Restraining Order. This is necessary primarily for your safety. Also, any legal procedures necessitate this "proof of exclusion" for any possible interaction with your abuser. Be warned that a restraining order against your abuser will inevitably lead to a deeper intensity of the abuser's action or anger. Consequently, it's imperative that you stay with someone the abuser doesn't know. If you have documentation of the abusive behavior, you are able to obtain emergency protection, if necessary. Emergency restraining orders usually last about 72 hours. This is the time to file for a permanent restraining order against your abuser.
Step 5
Maintain Your Resolve. It's vital for you to maintain your support networks with your family, friends and most importantly with an abuse group or individual therapist. You are bound to have feelings of doubt, but a continuous relationship with someone who understands your struggles can aid your recovery. Any communication attempts by your abuser should be documented immediately and used for future legal needs.
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