You hope for everything to be perfect when you fall in love. You believe you will always be happy together and often think nothing bad can happen. When it starts, you are hurt and confused. It may be simple things such as your partner telling you to lose a little weight or having your mate pick you up late. It can escalate to having your mate criticize your every move. Emotional abuse has entered your relationship. You need to learn to deal with this serious issue, which can spell the end of what was once a good relationship.
Step 1
Admit you are being emotionally abused. This is often the hardest step, as it can be devastating to realize the person you love is abusing you. Remember that verbal abuse and other emotional punishments are serious in the same way as physical abuse.
Step 2
Keep a journal of the abuse. Write down such things as being abandoned, having affection withheld from you as "punishment" or if you are being threatened with abandonment by the other person. Be clear and detailed about the behaviors that are hurting you so you face the situation realistically. Write down the date and what happened. Look for patterns in your entries.
Step 3
Identify triggers that spark abusive behavior. Your journal will help you pinpoint the types of situations which lead to emotional abuse.
Step 4
Talk to your partner about the way you are being treated. Tell your mate how much your mental health is being affected by the behavior and find out if he is ready to acknowledge it is being committed.
Step 5
Seek therapy together. Confront your partner about the need for counseling. Insist on beginning immediately. Locate a therapist at GoodTherapy.org (see Resources below).
Step 6
Refuse to put up with abuse. Calmly tell your partner you will not accept being mistreated and walk away. Do not argue, but let your mate know you can discuss it during your therapy sessions.
Step 7
Keep your family and friends informed and close by. You need people you love to know what is going on, even though you may find it embarrassing. Do not let your lover isolate you from others, as this is a form of emotional abuse as well.
Step 8
Be honest with yourself about whether progress is being made. Talk aloud with your partner about it in therapy. If you are unable to specifically define ways in which your situation has improved, it is likely it has not changed.
Step 9
Set a time line for how long you will give the relationship before leaving it if the emotional abuse has not ended. Tell your partner and therapist what your time line is and stick to it.
Step 10
Leave if your partner will not get help. If your mate refuses to seek counseling or stops therapy sessions, it is time to get out. You deserve better than to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. Cut all ties if possible. Set up strict guidelines for your interactions if you have children together.
Tips and Warnings
- Join a support group. Being around other emotionally abused individuals will help you understand more about your own situation. Share your story when you are ready.
- Do not let the little things lay, as they are likely to build with time. If for example, your mate criticizes you at home, expect the behavior to progress to the point where he is berating you in public.
Things You'll Need
- Journal
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