Child anger is common and something that must be controlled. It is a difficult and sensitive area for most parents, but a crucial one if your child is to develop into a mentally and socially capable adult. When dealing with anger from your child, you should not take it personally and turn incidents into a confrontation. Effective parenting requires you to recognize the triggers of anger in your child and manage them.
Components of Anger
Child anger has three recognized components, as established by research performed by M. Lewis and L. Michalson in a 1983 study entitled "Children's Emotions and Moods." The first component is the "emotional state of anger," an affective or arousal state suffered when a child's goals are blocked or needs frustrated. Triggers of this state of anger could be verbal conflict, rejection or conflict over possessions. "Expression of anger" is the second component, and it involves venting through facial expressions, crying, sulking or talking. Children tend to vent anger, rather than try to solve any problem. An "understanding of anger" is third to develop. A child's ability to understand the emotion of anger and a parent's involvement both play a role in helping the child understand and react to upsetting situations.
Triggers
Identifying situations that trigger anger in your child can help you as a parent to manage your child's anger management. Toni Schutta of Parenting Journals identified nine typical triggers of child anger, including the time of day, fatigue, abrupt changes and overstimulation.
Parent Involvement
Identifying what to do and when to intercede will help you succeed in parent involvement. When your child is angry, it is important that you do not show visible anger yourself, as the situation will quickly accelerate out of control. Create a safe emotional climate that does not shame your child for feeling anger, and encourage your child to talk about the situations in which they are angry. Encourage your child to recognize anger and even label it (such as, "I am mad"), as this helps them understand their emotion better. You can use books and stories to teach your child about anger management, just be sure that these books or magazines are consistent with the message that you personally teach your child.
Lead by Example
Parent involvement in child anger must be validated through your own personal behavior. In a 1994 study entitled, "Socialization of Prechoolers' Emotion Understanding," researchers S. Denham, D. Zoller and E. Cochoud found that children have an impaired ability to understand emotion when they see adults show a lot of anger. The study concluded that adults who are most effective role models to children display the ability to acknowledge, accept and take responsibility for their own angry feelings.
Good Habits
As your child develops emotionally, they will become more acutely sensitive of your anger management behavior. Your child will emulate short-term angry reactions such as eye-rolling, a sharp tone and losing your temper quickly. Your parent involvement may be less successful if your behavior created the problem.
