Spouses who choose to cheat risk affecting their whole family. Obviously their partners are hurt and trust is shattered if they find out but the children can be deeply affected too. They react to stress in the household and learn from the example that their parents set. Extended family members often get drawn in, too, especially if the extramarital affair turns into a big blow-out between the couple.
Adults
The adults in the household will be negatively affected when one of them has an extramarital affair. Cheating is a huge breach of trust, so the faithful partner will most likely react with hurt and anger. He may make impulsive decisions like stating that the marriage is over even if his partner wants to work things out. The affair can get in the way even when both people agree to work things out. The faithful partner may use the past incident as a way of wielding power over his spouse. He may also have difficulty regaining trust in her.
Children
Children often feel guilty when they find out that one parent has been cheating the other, according to Darlene Zagata, a columnist for Child Care Magazine. She explains that kids often worry they are to blame for their parents' problems. This can be especially pronounced if the cheating results in divorce. The kids might also feel sad or angry as a result of the adults' behavior. Meanwhile, they are absorbing what is being modeled and may believe that cheating is okay once they become adults.
Extended Family
Sometimes extended family members find out about the extramarital affair. If they do, they might place blame or take sides. For example, one spouse's side of the family might take her side in the dispute and act in an angry or hostile manner to the other spouse. This can create baggage that lasts a long time, even if the couple reconciles. They might each carry resentments against their in-laws if they were treated badly during the problem period.
Prevention
Zagata states that the impact on the children can be prevented if they never find out about the affair. Sometimes the parents can keep the situation between themselves, especially if they decide to stay married and work things out. There is no need to let the children know that anything ever happened, according to marriage and family therapist Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem. They may sense some tension but it should dissipate as the parents work through the affair's aftermath and repair their relationship.
Solution
Counseling often provides a solution for the negative impact caused by an extramarital affair. The couple can see a marriage counselor to find ways to rebuild trust and prevent future incidents. The counselor acts as a neutral sounding board and guide to the healing process. Family therapy can help the children if they know what happened and are having issues. It can also be useful if the affair results in divorce as a counselor can teach the children coping skills and help them work through anger, guilt and other negative feelings.
Barnicke Belleghem also urges parents to talk to their children if they are older and can understand some of the situation. Teenagers tend to want to know what happened because they are starting to learn about relationships themselves, she explains. However, she advises not discussing the topic with younger kids.
