Convincing a toddler that it's time to sleep in her own bed instead of yours is one of the most challenging tasks of parenthood. If your child has been co-sleeping since infancy, it will take patience and incentives to make it happen. It's an easier task to accomplish if your child usually spends time in her own bed but comes in to join you more often than you'd like. But in all cases, with tenacity and love it is possible to teach your child to sleep in her own bed.
Step 1
Choose a time when your child is feeling well and there are few distractions. Make sure there are no family vacations coming up or friends coming to stay with you that could throw off your family routine. Timing is important, says Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, because you'll need to be consistent. Mindell also warns against allowing your child back into your bed as a reward or laying down in his bed to get him to sleep, because this will be confusing to the child and make the process take longer.
Step 2
Have your child help you decorate her room and bed. You can pick the main theme of the room, but allow your child to pick from bedding and curtain choices so that she will feel a greater investment in the room she "designed."
Step 3
Create a reward chart to help your child want to succeed at this new task. Decide with your child what special toy or event he might want to earn by spending nights in his own bed. According to the experts at the Association for Comprehensive Neurotherapy, the chart should be specific to the behavior you want to change, and your child should understand what he needs to do to earn the reward.
Determine with your child what "staying in his own bed for the night" means, so that he understands what needs to be accomplished to earn his reward. For instance, he will get a sticker if he stays in bed until light shines through his window, or until you get him up in the morning, or until a digital clock shows a particular number.
Based on your child's temperament, specify if staying in bed means it's still okay to get up for bathroom trips (or if mom or dad needs to be called to help with that) or drinks of water. The chart can begin by rewarding a single night of compliance and then, as your child masters that, it can be elongated for additional nights of compliance before the reward is earned.
Step 4
Put your plan into action on a night when you've got time to deal with any issues that may arise. Spend some time before bed talking up the reward chart and reminding your child what she will earn if she stays in her bed through the night. Perform your usual nighttime routine, then tuck your toddler into her new bed. If you feel it is too harsh to leave your child alone, you may stay in her room---but avoid sitting on the bed.
Step 5
React quickly and without emotion to any lapses during the night. If your child leaves his bed, take him back to his room, have him get back in his bed, give a reminder about the rules and then leave again. You may need to repeat this process several times until your child learns that he must sleep in his own bed. "Super Nanny" Jo Frost reports that it can take a long time to teach your child this new skill, but keep vigilant and consistent and your child will learn to stay in his bed.
Tips and Warnings
- Many parents find it easier to have their toddlers in bed with them when the children are ill or frightened. That's fine, but you may have to begin the process over again once your child has recovered.
Things You'll Need
- Reward chart
- Bedding
