Because adults are expected to express their anger in appropriate ways, parents often pass these expectations onto their children, who do not yet have the resources to handle their anger. Understand that children need to go through a learning curve to deal with their anger. In the meantime, you must be able to handle your angry children effectively.
Step 1
Model the best way to deal with anger. Be a good example for your children---they learn more from your actions than your words. Express clearly what is causing you to feel angry in a calm manner. Make sure you do not lose control of your temper. Demonstrate that you (not your anger) are in charge of your own behavior.
Step 2
Learn how to anticipate your angry child's outbursts. Figure out what causes your child to become angry and avoid these situations as much as possible, especially around the times that your child is likely to be tired or hungry.
Step 3
When your child does get angry, ask him to talk about his feelings with you instead of acting on them. Ask him what happened to make him angry. Teach your child that it is fine to feel angry (everyone feels this way from time to time), but that it not okay to be aggressive. Talk with your child about appropriate ways to handle his anger, for example: punching a pillow, talking to an adult about what happened or writing in a journal to clarify the causes of his anger. Assure your child that you are always there to discuss his feelings anytime he feels angry.
Step 4
Make sure your child gets enough physical exercise to burn off energy. Exercise is an outlet for releasing stress.
Step 5
Provide your angry child affection (even when you do not feel like doing so). Try giving your child a spontaneous hug and kiss when she gets angry. She may look at you incredulously and stop screaming.
Step 6
Use a joke to redirect your child's attention when he seems ready to throw a tantrum.
Step 7
Celebrate your child's good behavior. Teach her to react appropriately to anger-provoking situations and praise her for doing so. Also praise her for helping if she, for example, tries to wash the dishes after dinner or shares her toys with others. Providing your child praise for positive behavior helps encourage her to do good things (rather than seeking attention through getting angry).
