1. Allow for a Cool-Down Period
When your teen demonstrates a negative attitude, don't confront him in the heat of the moment. It will serve you both well to allow for a general "cooling down" period. Give your child time by himself in his own bedroom. Many parents gauge the amount of time for a cool-down by waiting 1 minute for each year of the child's age. This brief period gives her time to decompress and gives you time to gather your thoughts before discussing the disrespectful attitude in a calm and effective way.
2. Practice Empathetic Listening and Response
After the cool-down, you'll need to discuss the "bad" attitude. Make sure you do so when you're on the same physical level. For example, if your teen is sitting down, try not to stand over him. Instead of taking this intimidating posture, sit down and let your teen know you are ready to listen as well as talk. Let him talk as much as he is willing. Really listen, without forming in your mind what you will say in response. When he is done, consider what he has said before responding. If you need extra time to think about it, let him know. When you do respond, do so with compassion and reassurance while acknowledging your feelings about the attitude he has expressed.
3. Know What to Let Go and What to Address
Some attitude displays are minor and don't need to be addressed. It may be difficult not to call attention to each and every deep sigh, eye roll or under-the-breath muttering, but these types of behaviors are often best quelled by simply ignoring them. In time, your child will stop these types of behaviors if he consistently fails to get a rise out of you. More serious negative displays, including violent actions, destruction of property or physical aggression, should never be overlooked, but addressed quickly and completely.
